New Year’s Resolutions We Hope Reality TV Stars Make For 2013!


Everyone starts a new year with good intentions, right? Even reality stars! While I'm sure they all have a bevy of things they'd like to improve upon (one would hope!) we thought we'd give them a little help in that department. Below are some of the New Year's Resolutions we wish some of our favorite reality stars would make. 

Kim Kardashian: 'Please let my mom leave me alone – I resolve to try and say no to her and stop putting all my embarrassing and indecent moments on TV. I really don't want to have to pull a baby out of my vagina on Keeping Up With The Kardashians like Kourtney did. Does being pregnant mean my child has already sold its soul to E!? I hope not. And I resolve to let being pregnant get more media coverage than that icky divorce. Hopefully my next TV wedding will be less of a mess.' 

We really, really hope ol' Kimmie Kakes embraces the notion of privacy. Especially less nudie pics on Twitter and less revealing clothing. We've already seen it all, anyway. #sextape #playboy

Lisa Vanderpump: We hope Lisa resolves to ditch toxic pseudo-friends who obviously don't respect her. (Ahem… Splits Richards!) 

Kyle Richards: Please… stop with the splits! And the caftan/batwing sleeved Mrs. Roper get-ups. And the pot stirring. And the two-faced nonsense. And be a little nicer to your sister. 


GG Gharachedaghi: Put down the bottle, girl. And Crispy. Guzzling Golnesa doesn't have a nice ring to it. Let's make 2013 the year of yoga instead. 


Ramona Singer: Dear, wild-eyed Pinot, we wish you all the best in 2013, but most importantly we wish you a fashion intervention. Will someone, anyone – perhaps the ever chic Aviva Drescher or LuAnn de Lesseps – strip your closet of the turtle time garb and shiny, micro-mini, low-cut cocktail dresses. 


Sonja Morgan: We wish you would stop telling us about this toaster oven. Proof is in the pinot! Also, we hope you can move on from your marriage and meet a hot, eligible, non-pirate. 

Vicki Gunvalson: To you dear Vicki we hope you resolve to never, ever date another white trash, deadbeat, loser with a Hallmark App again. How about E-harmony? Let your love tank be filled by someone with his own car. And a 20/20 special about how he is doing cancer research instead of bailing on child support. 

Real Housewives of New Jersey: To the ladies of RHONJ we hope you resolve to shut it, suck it up, and stop the petty arguments. Life is long, and 15 minute famewhore careers are short. You know, look at the bigger picture; cookbooks, copying, embarrassing yourself on TV, drink endorsements, music careers, twitter addictions, and snarly meanness don't matter in the big scheme of things. Let's make 2013 a little more positive! 

Bethenny Frankel: We hope you resolve to zip it. With all the changes in your life, we don't need to hear every detail. Go get therapy in private and leave twitter and tabloids out of your love life. And hopefully work things out with Jason Hoppy

Renee Graziano: Wash bad men out of your hair! We hope the new year brings the Mob Wives star a little less drama and a lot more success in the Jail Mail endeavor. And no more nips and tucks. 

Evelyn Lozada: 'Please let me resolve to use wine bottles for their intended purposes, which is to drink grape flavored happy juice and then recycle them. They can also make nice candle holders. But please don't let me fling them at my co-stars. And please let my next publicity stunt marriage work out a little better. Damn that spinoff would have been my ticket off Basketball Hoes Wives.'  Well, that's what we HOPE Evelyn's resolution is… 

Honey Boo Boo: For sweet little Alana and the Boo Boo clan we hope they resolve not to let the fame go to their heads. Don't let reality TV change you one bit! 


Alexis Bellino: 'Please let me resist the temptation to brag and boast, lord especially when my Aaaa-mex is all mexxed out. I also resolve that I will stop shoving my boobies in everyone's face. And I will try real, real hard to be a more real person. I also resolve not to let Jim convince me to jump on any trampolines in a bikini so we can get more business. And I am so done with that Gretchen Rossi using me until Tamra came along. She is NOT invited to any puppy-princess glamping booberific parties, like ever!' 

She By SheBroke: We hope Sheree resolves to pay her legal bills. Dang girl, just write the check already. And resurrect She By Sheree for realz! Who gon' check this boo? We are!

Kim Zolciak: We hope Kim resolves to throw those wigs in the trash. They look like garbage anyway. More importantly we hope Madame Big Poppa Zolciak Biermann learns to tell the truth! We hope 2013 lets Kim see the light and fess up to every, single fibblet she's told over reality TV time. And possibly write them all down in a confessional blog. Or an interview with Reality Tea… 

We also hope she resolves never to return to Real Housewives of Atlanta. Oh… did I say that out loud? Freudian slip… 

The Situation & Pauly D: Now that your respective careers on Jersey Shore are over, how about an image makeover? Sitch: Stop the ab flashes – they were so 3 years ago. Pauly D: Let those tresses breathe. Give them some freedom from hair gel. There's a reason you haven't been offered a hair gel endorsement by now! 

Lilly Ghalichi: Fabulous is a way of being NOT a way of looking. The hair extensions and the lashes make you look like a human blow up doll. A little less trying too hard! Also, stop calling people fat


Jill Zarin: Let 2013 be a year of new beginnings – which means accepting you are no longer on Real Housewives of New York! Stop blogging, stop begging, stop whining, stop insisting you made the show. You had your 15 minutes in reality TV heaven, now they're over so stop trying to Skweeze anymore out of it! 

Kate Gosselin: Please see the above advice. Please move on. Please stop trying to make your children pay your bills. Please accept we don't care about who you date and an over-the-hill Bachelorette will not get watched. Finally, stop whining about money while spending thousands on hair. 

NeNe Leakes: We so hope 2013 brings the most fabulous, soap opera style re-wedding that ever happened! And girl… flash that ring and make Kim Z burn with jealousy!


Kenya Moore: We hope she meets a real man and lets go of aging titles. Resolve to be Miss WHO-S-A no more! And learn to work a turkey baster. Desperate never looks good. Also blocking certain reality TV blogs on twitter is petty – which also doesn't look good! 

Joanna Krupa: Stop drinking! Romain Zago is waay too cute to waste on getting wasted. And also, just admit you slept with Joe Francis. It was probably a beer goggle anyway. Other than that stay cute and feisty. 

Abby Lee Miller: Remember that winning isn't everything. We hope you remember that dancers are people too! Respect! 


Kalyn Braun: Boundaries, girl! Don't proposition another girl's man for a coochie piercing. And keep your sexy times talk restricted to sexy time moments and not reality TV. 

Jenelle Evans: DELETE YOUR TWITTER! We hope you resolve to stop marrying, divorcingbecoming engaged to, breaking up with, taking to court, etc. every boy you see. And we really hope you realize twitter is not private, so when you post every detail of your life on there we all see it! Unfortunately… 

Shaunie O'Neal: There is no glory in making people look bad. Read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and learn to relish in your friends' and co-stars' successes. 

Kourtney & Khloe Kardashian: Please get a restraining order against Kris Jenner. Emancipate yourselves from her influence. And set Bruce Jenner free along with you! We know your hearts are not in this famewhore for hire business. Which means you still have a small portion of your souls left. Save them!!

Finally, Andy Cohen: We hope you resolve to return the Real Housewives franchise to the shows we all loved and adored. Remember it was once about friendship, family, and REAL lives. So we hope you have a reality check, listen to your viewers, and stop trying to make drama where it need not be. 

[All Photo Credits: Twitter]