Yay me – I get to recap Real Housewives Of Dallas this season and I am a huge fan. I’m a rooter for the underdogs, what can I say (I also liked Real Housewives Of Miami).
So before we dive into this season of carnie craziness lets recap all the highlights, lowlights, feuds, and dramas from last season.
It was touch and go if Dallas would even get a season two, but Bravo decided to give the Lonestar ladies another chance to shine by adding Kameron, a blonde, dog-obsessed, pink polka dotted socialite obsessed with etiquette, and D’Andra, a no-nonsense businesswoman and all-around guru to the cast. These wealthy ladies seemed a perfect accompaniment for the show that made its name being obsessed with the charity circuit and who is not worthy.
The surprising twist of the season is that in between filming BFF’s Brandi and Stephanie had a major falling out over a blog Stephanie had written last season which questioned Brandi’s marriage. When season 2 began the two hadn’t spoken in months. One major impetus for the issues was Stephanie’s deepening friendship with Cary which coincided with Brandi bonding with LeeAnne. It turned out Brandi had suffered a miscarriage and also turned to LeeAnne for support and comfort.
Trying to mend fences Stephanie hosted a Halloween party and invited everyone – even her nemesis, LeeAnne. Who repaid the Southern hospitality by dressing up as “Two-Faced,” which she claimed was her interpretation of Stephanie! Travis wanted to ask LeeAnne to leave, but Stephanie decided to let her stay and make a fool of herself.
After decades of friendship and practically sharing a brain, Stephanie and Brandi finally talked, hugged it out and vowed to put friendship before reality TV. That my friends is a unicorn on Bravo. LeeAnne didn’t like this one bit and constantly warned Brandi that Stephanie shouldn’t be trusted — but LeeAnne’s dislike of Stephanie seemed to mostly stem from her hatred of Cary!
One that was agitated when LeeAnne told Brandi that Cary speculated that her miscarriage may have been caused by Brandi’s “mommy makeover” done by a “vagina doctor,” not a plastic surgeon (aka not Mark!).
LeeAnne was still making accusations about Cary’s marriage – this time claiming Mark had been hanging out at the Round-Up, a male strip club, and getting quite friendly with some of the entertainment. Particularly in the lower regions! Hooooh boy! D’Andra, a sage counsel to LeeAnne and constant encouragement for her to be a better person, consistently warned her to rise above – like a Ferris wheel – instead of relying on fun house tricks to get attention. But LeeAnne, like a bad carnival sideshow, could not be stopped!
Cary retaliated by suggesting that Rich’s “manhood” was little to write home about… Don’t worry – LeeAnne has proof it’s not!
The fighting between Brandi and Cary got so intense that Brandi even went ahead and led credence to all the rumors that Cary had an affair with Mark while he was married to his previous wife and she was their nanny. Something LeeAnne previously stated, that is apparently a well-established Dallas rumor. One which Cary strenuously denied. Eventually, the women hashed it out and decided the common denominator in all their issues was a crazy-eyed wonder named LeeAnne. Who also made threats against Cary while she was recovering from anesthesia post-surgery. Which is really her doctor’s fault since he’s not “triple-board certified” to fix botched implants. Lawd.
Cary’s marriage wasn’t all good though. As she wrestled with the decision to take a step back from her career to spend time with her daughter Zuri, Dr. Mark was not supportive. He was also not exactly into the whole having kids around at all concept and believed in such antiquated notions that children should be rarely seen and certainly NOT heard. Mark also complained about Cary’s devotion to yoga interfering with their personal time. Mark basically just wanted Cary all to himself.
With all of these unsavory comments and speculations, it was quite shocking that Kameron, a woman who virulently disliked Brandi from the start, was able to maintain a friendship with LeeAnne! Kameron and Brandi didn’t mesh from the start when Brandi personally offended her by inviting Stephanie and Cary to visit her family in Memphis, in front of Kameron, without including her. Sure, it was maybe a manners misstep, but we can’t all be as perfectly upstanding and pinkly hued as Kam! Besides she should’ve had better things to focus on like creating the perfect hot pink dog food, Sparkle Dog. Um, where is that selling again?
Brandi and Kameron’s feuding continued as Brandi managed to intentionally target Kameron again and again, provoking her tantrums over any and every slight.
During the cast trip to Mexico, Stephanie and Brandi got into cahoots to taunt Kameron with a giant black dildo until she ran screaming and crying and refused to associate with them again. Things got so intense LeeAnne and D’Andra hid the prosthetic wiener in their room.
Stephanie and Brandi, posing as LeeAnne and D’Andra, broke-in and to steal it back. Success! They even got pancakes out of the deal. Not so successful was the effect it had on Brandi’s tepid friendship with Kameron, who has a meltdown during a boat cruise and loses it over Brandi’s uncouth bullying; forcing even Cary to admit that she’s gone too far! Yes, seriously, this show had wiener wars. Which is only marginally less gross than Poop-On-A-Hat-Gate.
Tired of parenting toddlers D’Andra decided to host a peacekeeping summit at her mansion and invited everyone to participate, graciously, by writing their grievances on a paper, tossing it in a hat and talking things out all while wearing tea attire. She presided with a gavel, naturally. This genteel reconciliation worked for about 5 seconds until Brandi got into a heated exchange with LeeAnne while Stephanie double-fisted the free cocktails (speaking my love language, lady!). Resolution Impossible!
As D’Andra gently, continuously pointed out how could LeeAnne bill herself an advocate for overcoming a difficult childhood and a motivational speaker, if she’s alienating her entire friend group with threats and rumors?
For instance, allegedly warning Brandi that if she crosses her LeeAnne will “slit her throat”? LeeeAnne only does pretend death threats, you guys, just for fun! Still, for Brandi and Stephanie, the fear was real… real storyline-like!
LeeAnne also didn’t help her case for sanity when she threw a glass at Cary during Brandi’s white party. I mean LeeAnne rush-recovered from the flu with a vitamin IV drip just to attend and defend her truth that Cary is a hypocrite who said she could never stoop to being friends with Brandi and Stephanie!
D’Andra had to learn tough negotiation skills as she prepared – hopefully – t0 take over the family skincare business from her domineering mother Mama Dee. And also be a good stepmother to her wayward stepson who isn’t interested in her advice or boundaries. Neither of her grand plans panned out. She tried to launch a new skincare product with white algae only to be thwarted by technical issues and costing the company money. And Colton, her stepson, opted to move out. Oopsie.
In LeeAnne’s own love life, she was desperate for Rich to propose but he dragged his feet, and through his eyepatch pretended he couldn’t clearly see a future with LeeAnne. Then when all hope seemed lost
Bravo he surprised her with a carnival proposal. It was perfect… for LeeAnne, but the prospect of finally being a Mrs. did little to tame LeeAnne’s wild side. Nor did LeeAnne’s decision to sit discuss her past with her mother.
The women came together for LeeAnne’s engagement brunch where the intent was to leave the season on a peaceful note. We all know that didn’t happen. The reunion was gnarly with LeeAnne storming out over Mark being allowed on stage.
Real Housewives Of Dallas season 3 premiers tonight at 8/9c, just before the finale of Real Housewives Of New York!
TELL US – ARE YOU EXCITED FOR SEASON 3? WHO ARE YOU MOST EXCITED TO CATCH UP? WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE/LEAST-FAVORITE STORYLINE FROM LAST SEASON?
[Main Photo Credit: Heidi Gutman/Bravo; All Photo Credits: BravoTV]