Last night was part three of the Real Housewives Of Orange County reunion. Which means this bizarre season is finally over. Part 3 was all about Shannon Beador, as pretty much every part of everything is. As Shannon said, “I’m sorry for being me me me me me!”
Is Shannon crazy? Is Shannon an emotional wreck? Are the voices in Shannon’s head actually Tamra Judge reading a script from David Beador‘s iPhone on how to manipulate and condescend Shannon into a meltdown? #yes
But first a Kelly Dodd montage! Kelly is dating, dating, dating and ignoring
Jolie who Michael Dodd is dating. But Vicki Gunvalson isn’t! Obviously, she is very invested in what is going on in Michael’s life.
Vicki has met Michael’s new girlfriend who is a cool 38 to his 60. Vicki thinks that is too big an age gap! Kelly mentions that she is 43. I guess Kelly has forgotten one of the major issues in her marriage. Michael wanted to act like a 60-year-old while Kelly wanted to go out, party, and have fun. Kelly has never met this girlfriend and she doesn’t seem all that concerned. Something tells me Jolie can more than take care of herself!
Next, we revisit the fight Kelly had with Shane and Emily Simpson that fateful night when Eddie Judge had a sad little party for his broken heart and was all dressed up in the irony suit Tamra made him wear. That party was enough to put anyone (and everyone) in a bad mood – least of a volatile Kelly Dodd!. Kelly, predictably, has no regrets about calling Shane a twerp, a pussy, and any other name she can think of from her middle school years. Kelly is also mad that Shane is a troll-like creature, sulking around the edges of drama, insidiously planting his nasty little energies everywhere. However Kelly probably shouldn’t have made herself look bad by calling him a pussy. Also, Emily, who is employed by Pary as Shane’s bodyguard, argues that Kelly’s comments were “disproportionate” to Shane suggesting she was drunk.
RELATED: Tamra Judge Says Shannon Beador Is A “Master Manipulator” On Real Housewives Of Orange County Reunion
Emily will not back down on backing Shane. And maybe she shouldn’t. Maybe we should all leave her marriage alone? After all, we’re not the ones who have sleep with Shane at night, listen to him mumble self-righteous boohaney in his sleep, and wake up rolling his eyes about what idiots we are. In fact, Emily actually seems perfectly happy there with Pary, her party planning business, and the pseudo-Mormon ism.
The thing about Kelly – and this isn’t excusing her behavior because there is NO excuse – is that mentally she has never left the 5th grade. She gleefully provokes people, will try and end arguments with “No I didn’t – you did’s!” and she literally squabbles with other grown women like a little kid fighting with their siblings. Like later when everyone is discussing whether or not Shannon needs medication for being a depressed person and Kelly chirps, with a giant grin on her face, I didn’t say that – Vicki did!” So excited about getting Vicki in trouble, only to be reminded 2 seconds later that she had something way worse when calling David a “saint” for having to put up with Shannon. The fascinating thing is that whomever Kelly is fighting with usually stoops to her level, so you wind up watching two grown women shrieking playground insults at each other.
Anyway, Kelly tries to argue that Emily threatened her when she yelled “I’m gonna kill you,” but as Emily pointed out with her fancy lawyer-ly language, she did not make a “Credible Threat” against Kelly. She mad an error in judgment against Kelly, which is different. After all that high pitched screaming, including when Emily told Shannon to stay out of it and shut up, Emily and Kelly apologize, and it seems sincere for two vapid, soulless designer dressed vampires.
Also, Emily made a very fair point: Shane was wrong for saying those things to Kelly, but Kelly can’t be Emily’s friend if she’s gonna call her husband names. That’s like life mechanics. And it’s not often we learn those from Bravo. On Bravo, it’s far more likely that your car will explode because you don’t change the oil for 10 years while listening to Ramon Singer lecture you on Women Supporting Women. But I digress.
The entire remainder of the episode was devoted to Shannon. I’m not sure there’s much more I can say about Shannon at this point. Sure she acted like an ass in Jamaica, but she acts like an ass at a McDonald’s. Shannon does not discriminate!
Gina is so annoying. She is way too invested in Shannon for absolutely no reason. She barks and yaps constantly like a dog who feels neglected. It’s just too, too much. Gina is so intent to trap Shannon in a lie, or catch her up, make her look bad and it’s just like Why? It seems completely inauthentic. That is also just as exhausting as dealing with Shannon! Gina quite literally has no dog in this fight other than attention seeking and she achieves that when she leaves the house in makeup.
Within seconds of hearing the trigger word “Jamaica” Shannon is worked up, Gina Kirschenheiter is screaming, and Tamra is doing that pathetic fake crying that no one believes. It’s as if Shannon is suddenly Miss Jamaica in the Miss USA pageant. This is her turf now and she will non-twerk if she wants to, tantrum if she wants to, you would scream about antidepressants too if you David had been married to you-uo!
Shannon is still so upset she’s essentially live ammunition. She is so vivid and fiercely emotionally raw that I don’t even know how those feelings can fit through the door of her therapist’s office, let alone be contained within the stretchy confines of a sequined dress. Shannon is mortified by her behavior in Jamaica. She been in therapy daily since the episode aired. Shannon still doesn’t understand why her friends would do that to her.
Tamra is just horrible though, is she not? The way she gaslights Shannon, then pretends to be so upset when Shannon isn’t there for her. Tamra’s fake tears, which consist of screwing up her eyes real tight and then making her voice a little whispery and cracked is just like high school theater terrible.
RELATED: Real Housewives of Orange County Cast Member Gina Kirschenheiter Thinks She Is The Scapegoat For Tamra Judge & Shannon Beador To Deflect From Their Issues
Shannon, actually crying, really just wants to talk to Tamra – again – to explain that she needs her and values her. But Tamra is not Vicki. See Vicki would go on sabbatical from Coto Insurance, or more likely, move Shannon into her office to sit on a little perch and squawk about David while Vicki worked, worked, worked and relished in being needed. See Vicki would GLADLY take Shannon’s 2 am phone calls. She would bring Shannon Weight Watchers casseroles until the Weight Watchers site permanently crashed. She loves being needed. This is why she dated Brooks. But it is Tamra Shannon turned to and that is like laying your emotional weight down at the feet of Dementors.
Tamra is not wrong though: Shannon is emotionally draining. She is self-obsessed, she is needy. Oh so needy. It’s just too bad that Gina and Tamra – two of the least compelling characters on Bravo – are the ones coming forward to identify these very real issues Shannon has. Like even the way Shannon tells a story – she makes a listicle of her day, the events, how she danced even with a sprained ankle even though she doesn’t like Gina, how everyone else is ignoring all she did for them, so many excuses – how she tried to do the right thing by eating only carrots and almond butter as a snack, then there was this moment where someone did something to make her sad…
RELATED: Real Housewives Of Orange County Cast Member Gina Kirschenheiter Attributes Shannon Beador’s Behavior To “Jealousy Issues”
When Shannon tells a story you are committing yourself to a long haul; every recounting is a novella read aloud with David’s tortilla chips crunching in the background. First, they got a little party hut in Jamaica, then they went here, then they spent 15 minutes on the balcony, then 22 minutes here… Then come the tears and Shannon’s recognition that she is too dependent on people and she didn’t realize she was being a burden, because she’s usually not.
Tamra will not be undone by Shannon’s tears though because she has an agenda. That agenda is to be the victim, not the asshole bad friend. Shannon expresses what seems like genuine regret for essentially using Tamra as a dumping ground for the emotional waste leftover from her toxic marriage. Then, Tamra starts wailing that Shannon abandoned her during Eddie’s issues.
Emily suggests that the problem is that Shannon controls the relationship. She calls Tamra when she needs something. When it’s Tamra in need she feels like she can’t rely on Shannon. That’s all fine and good, but I actually think it’s the other way around. It is Tamra who controls Shannon. It is Tamra who was all too eager to point out that Shannon’s negative self-talk came straight from David’s mouth. For as much as she chatters and whines that Shannon is a needy friend, Tamra wants that.
RELATED: Real Housewives of Orange County Star Tamra Judge Puts Blame On Gina Kirschenheiter For Conflict With Shannon Beador In Jamaica
No, she doesn’t want to make casseroles or talk every day, but so long as Shannon ‘needs’ her Tamra can manipulate the narrative of Shannon’s behavior. This way Tamra is always the hotter, more fun one, the outrageous one, the sane one, the dependable one. There’s no guesswork in a friendship with Shannon, and in her amped up vortex of a mind, Tamra can swoop in and make Shannon heed by filling her head with ideas.
However, enter Vicki. With Shannon having other outlets and resources, she doesn’t need Tamra as much. Now Tamra is complaining that Shannon hasn’t called her in weeks. So they vow to get back their friendship. That’s all very nice. But, if I were Shannon, I’d take that slowly (and then pretend my new iPhone lost her contact information).
Andy closes the reunion by asking each of the women to name their regrets. Vicki regrets taking Michael’s side. Kelly regrets saying that she didn’t know how David put up with Shannon. Shannon regrets being herself with a side of extra crazy in Jamaica. Gina regrets that we had to listen to her tawk all these weeks. Emily obviously regrets threatening Kelly. Tamra has no regrets because Tamra has no soul.
And that’s it for Real Housewives of Orange County Season 13!
RELATED: Kelly Dodd Wants To Leave Real Housewives Of Orange County Because Of Vicki Gunvalson Drug Accusations; Gina Kirschenheiter & Emily Simpson Shade Vicki On Instagram
TELL US – CAN TAMRA AND SHANNON’S FRIENDSHIP BE SAVED? IS GINA GOING TOO FAR WITH HER ANGER AT SHANNON?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]