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WWHL

Get ready for a whole new season of Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live!

The Bravo network announced this week that season 5 of the hit show will premiere on September 25 at 11/10c. Andy Cohen returns as the show host of course.

The first guest on the upcoming season is none other than Millionare Matchmaker’s Patti Stanger! Patti will teach you how to snag your own millionare though she has yet to snag one herself take viewer questions in the special one-hour premiere episode. The network also released a list of guests who will be visiting the Bravo club house.

The most notable date is on Oct. 9 when twittermies Melissa Gorga and comedian Jay Mohr will -GASP- appear on the show together! The full list of guests below -

Monday, Sept. 26: Tia and Tamera Mowry from Style Network’s reality show Tia & Tamera
Sunday, Oct. 2: Bridesmaids‘ star Wendi McLendon-Covey and Real Housewives of New Jersey‘s Caroline Manzo
Monday, Oct. 3: CNN anchor and talk show host Anderson Cooper
Sunday, Oct. 9: Real Housewives of New Jersey‘s Melissa Gorga and comedian/Bravo blogger Jay Mohr
Monday, Oct. 10: Work of Art executive producer and actress Sarah Jessica Parker

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey the year may have changed, but everything is still exactly the same. Teresa can’t get along with anyone she is related to, by proxy or otherwise; Jacqueline can’t deal with Ashley, Caroline just wishes she had never gotten involved, and Melissa tries in vain to reason with crazy. Oh yeah, Kathy was there too – kinda.

The Caroline is back on the radio and she’s tawking about New Year’s Resolutions and Ashley calls in and said her resolution is to leave reality TV. I wish! The Caroline gets a call from a person who is being nice to someone who just won’t be nice back; Caroline encourages this person to continue to be good and pure. Guess who is coincidentally listening while wearing her fur coat? Melissa! Melissa, thinking – I’m a good and loving person dealing with someone who just won’t reciprocate, I will not be intimidated – calls Teresa to extend the Swarovski encrusted olive branch, and arrange a playdate between their girls.

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Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was all about Jesus’ Birthday and in the spirit of Christmas everyone got along except for the notorious Kim G. – who really is incapable of getting along with anyone so she got thrown out of Jesus’ Party by the Manzo’s – who don’t let no body mess with their family.

Things pick up where they left off at Jesus’ birthday party. Melissa lets Teresa know she “got that bitch outta there” meaning Monica Chacone, who was Kim G. ’s plus one for about five minutes until Melissa escorted her politely to the door. Teresa gives her brother and SIL props for handling it well, BUT she wants to know why Kim G. was invited in the first place? Melissa says Kim is harmless which ummm…. What?! Please re-watch season 2, Melissa! However, Melissa calls a spade a spade when she describes that Kim G. and Teresa are eerily similar – in fact, so similar they may be “secret sisters.”

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The first Bethenny-less season of The Real Housewives of New York City finally came sputtering to an end- coasting on flimsy hopes and raw inertia ‘til the bitter, dusty end with Andy Cohen selling what’s left of it for scraps. It was a season of false promises, false reconciliations, and of course – false friendships, but never (wink,wink) false dramas. There were feuds, middle eastern nightmares, thugs in cocktail dresses, dueling sweet sixteens and dueling (un)fabulous forty-year-olds (and one pinot-sodden fifty-year-old), musical ineptitude galore, and Jill Zarin remaining the same old Jill Zarin – filled with a plethora of advice, snarkitude, and red-headed fury; proving that she alone will drive this jalopy ‘til it drives no more. Go, Jill, Go!

The Season Finale begins with The Countess speaking (“Chic, C’est La Vie! Si bon! Si bon!”) to her music producer – naturally they are discussing what a runaway success her song Chic, C’est La Vie will become. Chris surprises LuAnn with a friend of his, who just happened to stop by – a friend who just happens to be Natalie King Cole.

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On last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey it’s a very special holiday – Trashymas! I’m sure everyone got many, many lumps of coal. Jacqueline got one in the form of Ashely, Teresa received one in the form of Kim G, Melissa and Kathy received one in the form of Teresa, and The Caroline – well, she got diamonds. Lucky girl.

At the Giudices, they are decorating the hugest Christmas tree ever, but sadly it’s not made of money. Teresa wants us to know that because of the bankruptcy they only got a tree decorated in semi-precious metal and not the one made entirely of gold. D’ya hear that bankruptcy judge – they’re cutting back. If cutting back means driving a Benz and wearing Louboutins then I can only hope to cut back some day! Teresa also wants us to know that all she wants for Christmas is for Melissa’s bad energy to go away. ‘Cause, it gives her a headache.

Melissa is not happy because she just wants an authentic smelling tree for Christmas AND Jesus’ Birthday (which are NOT one and the same, apparently) as she is throwing Jesus like the best birthday party ever. Joey and Melissa discuss their concerns about Jr. Mafia not mixing well with others at their party since he is like totally responsible for the Christening incident. Uh huh. Joey Giudice totally caused the entire thing. Joey G-to-the-Orga and Teresa and Melissa and her sisters had nothing to do with it. Nothing. At. All. Uh huh. We learn Melissa’s hoping to be cast next season sister, Lyssa claims Joe G-to-the-Iudice’s mother punched her in the face at said Christening. Is that where Joe gets it from? Melissa makes it clear NOTHING is going to ruin Jesus’ party!

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, it’s Merry Jersey-mas! Jacqueline hosts another Gorgadice Reunion, Teresa gets rowdy in court, Melissa gets a record contract, The Caroline‘s daughter has some issues letting go, and Kathy makes more plans to open a restaurant.

Things start out with preparations for Jacqueline’s holiday party/Gorgadice reunion. In the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard Ashley (yes ASHLEY!) counsels Jacqueline to stay out of Gorgadice drama. Um… can someone please counsel Ashley on how her orange spray tan is atrocious? Please, someone? She looks like a Snork with her bright orange face and high ponytail.

At the Manzo’s Santa is bringing patience and cheer and bitchy sisters. Poor Lauren is left out of Manzo sibling bonding since the boys have moved out. Farewell Ham Game! Oh, Lauren – she has officially become The Caroline, Jr – storming around and telling everyone what to do. Albie says one positive about living with Greg is that Greg won’t end up dating Lauren… Oh, really? Is it because he may end up dating Albie? I kid, I kid… After discovering a mouse has eaten the plastic Santa, the Manzos play Mariah Carey’s Christmas album, buy two all-feather Christmas trees, call Cher and Chris March and invite them to their annual Christmas drag show starring Joey G-to- the-Orga! Actually I made that last part up, but wouldn’t it be a lot more fun than watching the Manzos bicker about nothing again?!

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, Teresa and Melissa vow to put the past behind them but just can’t, Jacqueline has a few too many red wines, Caroline gets her panties in a bunch and isn’t any fun, Kathy wants to open a restaurant, and Teresa invites her Made For TV Family to The Catskills for some old fashioned gun shootin, four-wheelin, TMI sex talk,wine-guzzling fun! Did I mention the TMI sex talk?

Ending where things left off last week, Melissa and Teresa are disagreeing about the Gorga Family Feud. Melissa comes out swinging by essentially blaming Teresa for the “disgusting” Christening debacle and insisting Teresa is never around and never sees their kids. Seriously. And suddenly it becomes all about the Joes and which Joe owes more money to which creditors. In the tit for tat convo, Teresa brings up Joe owing money to some plumbers and Melissa responds with a savage blow when she declares that Jr. Mafia Joe borrowed money from Non-Juicy, but when her hubby tried to collect on his debts Joe told Joe: “If you want your money sue me!” Melissa is confused and wants to know why her fellow shopaholic housewife just can’t skip a pair of Manolos to pay back the loan: “just pay me the $1000 – your wife is wearing more than that on her feet!” Duh!

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey it was all about Family Feuds (which sadly did not include the game show). Teresa behaves appropriately, Kathy just wants to be liked, The Caroline discovered a new medium for interfering in people’s lives, and Jacqueline helped broker the Gorga Peace Treaty.

The episode started out with The Caroline preparing for her big radio debut by using her friend Dolores to act as a Teresa-imposter so she can “practice” administering advice for “Caroline Rules” her new show on New Jersey 101.5. For some reason The Caroline is nervous about being her bossy self in public, despite spending a couple seasons on a reality show doing just that! Caroline brings up Teresa’s bankruptcy judgment and pending auction – describing that her friend has a lot on her plate and things are out of control in her life.

In the Gorga household, Alexis 2.0 Jersey Jesus Midge (Barbie’s brunette friend!) is thanking Jesus that peace is being made today between Teresa and Non-Juicy Joe, as she helps her husband untuck his shirt just so to avoid looking messy. Meanwhile in Foreclosed Marble Mansion-Land (aka the Giudice residence) Teresa is also getting ready and announces that Joe needs to do something about Melissa because she is leading their family down a crooked road with all of her poison! Ummm… I thought poison was something used to make babies according to Joe Gorga? Teresa declares: “A wife makes it or a wife breaks it” and therefore it is Joe’s responsibility to put Melissa in check! Is it also Jr Mafia’s responsibility to put Teresa in check – because frankly I don’t think that’s possible (see: Bankruptcy spending.) After adjusting his cross and refolding his letter from Teresa, Joe is off to demand an apology from his sister, the villainess.

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