Another day, another Real Housewife with financial problems, living a life she can’t afford. This time Eva Marcille is the one accused of being secretly broke while fronting . The Real Housewives Of Atlanta are working the case of whether or not Eva has money.
I’m not really sure I understand this story but the gist of it seems to be that one of Eva’s bridesmaids, Seannita, got angry with her over the wedding – Why? What happened? Where is the rest of this story? Seannita took things to Mama Joyce‘s streets where she choked Eva’s wedding planner at the actual wedding (!). Then, ran all over town until she turned up on Marlo Hampton‘s doorstep like Postmates delivering tea, piping hot, ready to drink, and with a buy one, get one coupon. The story Seannita told Marlo, and then NeNe Leakes and Tanya Sam was witness protection program crazy!
NeNe, who is supposedly barely clinging to ends of her wig and crying
everywhere there is a Bravo camera all over town, is able to pull herself right together to blow off her ailing husband and sit over at Marlo’s house for gossip and cocktails in some deathtrap, ultra-tall martini glasses. The stems of those things were like 2 feet long and asking to be broken. Then Tanya arrives.
I have no idea how or why Tanya is involved in this? I thought Tanya had cooled significantly to both NeNe and Marlo. Shouldn’t Cynthia Bailey be the third-wheel in this obviously staged set-up to ‘expose’ Eva and make her look bad on camera? Why did Eva do to Nene again?
Marlo serves salads, which look delicious (and are apparently intended to send NeNe a hint about what she should be eating – a low alkaline cancer diet?). Then, Marlo comments that Eva shouldn’t have bought that third designer wedding gown because she’s being evicted and her car is about to be repossessed.
The story goes that out of the blue Seannita called Marlo – again why? – to report on Eva while she was on her honeymoon. Among the revelations was that Eva and Michael Sterling are broke. Their credit is so bad they can’t even rent their own home in their own name. They are borrowing their current townhouse from a friend, but have to move out right away over unpaid rent (according to the streets – aka the internet – that home is actually owned by Seannita’s family and that Eva and Michael also ran up ENORMOUS unpaid utility bills which the family is suing to collect the repayment on.). In real life, Eva and Michael live in a “raggedy little house” across the street from a golf course. Which means their ragged house is probably nicer than my permanent dwelling.
To verify where she heard these allegations Marlo actually CALLS Seannita so she can share directly with Nene and Tanya.
Then Marlo, borrowing an in intrigue from Real Housewives of Potomac, proposes having pizza delivered to Eva’s house to sniff out if she actually lives there (even though Tanya says she’s been there). Marlo also suggests they stop by pretending to need to use her bathroom. Are they checking to see if she’s lying about having indoor plumbing too?
Once again, Eva has me going to Google. Last time it was over $1,200 flip flops. This time it’s about what a “CPN number” is and how can I ‘buy’ a car with one. A CPN is essentially a social security-like number you can buy to hide your actual SSN. Additionally, Eva and Mike own their car through a CPN Number and it is about to get repossessed. I thought we were well beyond the days of cars getting repo’d on Real Housewives Of Atlanta?
Tanya and NeNe both pretend to have the vapors from shock over this tale. As if we haven’t heard all about NeNe’s financial woes – including a couple of allegations of repossessed cars. NeNe decides the proper way to handle this is that she will speak to Eva privately because Eva respects her the most.
Clearly, Eva didn’t see NeNe’s attention-seeking stunts at her wedding. But, of course, Seannita was upstaging even NeNe. In a season this lackluster maybe that shady girl needs a peach!
Meanwhile Eva, back from a honeymoon in Greece and absolutely glowing, meets Kandi Burruss for chicken wings and cocktails. That is my husband’s dream date. Eva must have heard that Seannita was going around trash-talking her to all and sundry so Eva does some damage control by sharing that Seannita choked her wedding planner – um, really?
Also – does anyone know how many dozens of times I have misspelled “Seannita” and had to go and fix it. [SCREAM]. Anyway according to Eva, until a couple days before the wedding Seannita, whom we witnessed trying to save the missing second wedding gown fiasco, was like a sister to Eva and is now trying to destroy her life. Um, again, WHAT HAPPENED?
The biggest shock comes when Eva tells Kandi that she and Michael are moving in 2 days. They want to buy and need a fixer-upper, so they’re moving form one rental to another until they’ve saved enough to buy something. This doesn’t sound plausible to Kandi who can rub two nickels together and wind up with a dollar, but other than the timing of the plan, none of it sounds that weird to me. Maybe they want to rent a cheaper place? Maybe they wanted a different area? Or maybe, as Eva says, she is trying to out-run her crazy ex, who also happens to. be Marley’s father, whom she has a restraining order against.
Kandi’s only concern was that Eva could attend the OLG soft opening later that week. Have camera, will travel. Be Broke, Follow Camera, so of course Eva will be there. With $1,200 flip flops on!
Whatever the case Eva’s so-called friends judiciously gossiping about her was f–ked up.
While the party planners bustle about taking measurements, Porsha and Dennis sit in the basement bar (as one does) to discuss the future of their relationship, specifically: prenups and where they will live. Porsha wants to stay put in her house but Dennis complains that the commute is insane for both of them. After some back and forth Dennis capitulated at least temporarily and agreed to move in to Porsha’s house.
Then we skip back to over to Kandi’s where she has ordered pizza to break the news that they hired a surrogate. Riley is not impressed and not-so-kindly point out that Kandi barely has time for the kids she has, and although Riley loves Ace she pines for the days of yore when she was literally the top dog. Riley had correct points, but she is overruled by even Mama Joyce who opines that she wishes she’d had more children especially since Kandi’s brother passed away.
NeNe sits Gregg down to lecture him about how his sickness is her sickness and he is not showing empathy for how hard things are for her, his caretaker. NeNe again hints at Gregg’s alleged verbal and emotional abuse as she tells Gregg he must start recognizing her efforts in keeping him alive. She can’t even remember not to put ice in Gregg’s juice so I don’t know how good of a job she’s doing!
Gregg, being Gregg, humbly apologizes and tells NeNe how much he loves and values her, while pointing out that he had no idea how he would act after getting cancer, but that he really needs her support – especially now that he’s reversing his decision to put tumor shrinkage in Jesus’ invisible hands by reconsidering chemo. Well Jesus may not grab Cancer by the balls, but it certainly carries the pamphlet about chemo saving lives!
So these two aren’t separated after all, folks!
Eva arrives at Kandi’s OLG party in a resplendent mood. She is loved and feeling loved, despite the the loss of Seannita as a friend. However within seconds Tanya asks to speak to Eva privately and drops allllll the info she learned from Seannita, then sighs, smiles and announces that she feels better now and can get a second drink.
Eva denies having any financial problems. She returns to the table, sees NeNe has arrived, greets her, grabs her purse and about-face bounces leaving all the girls sitting there stupefied. She even brushes past the producers, announcing that she is not putting up with this and is calling Mike, then speeds away.
Tanya is shocked. Um, maybe she just didn’t realize anything about this show features people’s actual real lives? Like Tanya imagined that Eva’s finical mess was as ludicrous as Shamari DeVoe announcing she has a three-drink
minimum maximum (Shamari actually freudian slipped and said “minimum” when she meant maximum, but I’m more inclined to believe the former!).
NeNe is livid to learn Tanya stole her thunder (and her scene) by alerting Eva first – and on the advice of Cynthia no less! Tanya keeps insisting to the group that she simply wanted her friend, Eva, to be made aware of what was being said behind her back, But Tanya doesn’t clue the other women in to what exactly was said, because it’s SO SCANDALOUS. Financial problems are so common in this group that being like Kandi and NOT having them makes you the scandalous one!
Tanya continues to act like she has no idea what she did wrong in telling Eva, while NeNe freaks. Then NeNe excuses herself to call Eva to beg her to return. I love how NeNe is able to make even EVA’s financial problems all about her!!
That Tanya is a smart one though! She made NeNe look like the shitty friend she is for first gossiping about Eva, then sitting on the damaging information so as not to confront Eva until they were with the group. Of course, Tanya did same thing, but Tanya also didn’t just make a speech at Eva’s wedding…
Also, you cannot tell me that NeNe didn’t already know before showing up at Marlo’s that day. The second Seannita told Marlo, Marlo called NeNe off-camera. NeNe was all too happy to play a role in revealing everything in front of the cameras
Finally, Marlo saunters in, wearing one of the wigs NeNe bought from the Kim Zolciak Collection and had hidden in her closet that fateful night. Blonde does look good on Marlo, but still: she looks like a bootleg NeNe, looking like e copycat Kim Z, but an-neee-way…
Marlo agrees that Tanya was wrong to usurp NeNe’s place without permission and continues dropping labored hints to group, before deciding she doesn’t care about keeping Eva’s by-proxy confidences. Marlo starts by sharing that allegedly Eva is a “full-blown lesbian” in LA, when she’s not living in a raggedy Atlanta home and driving a car obtained with a stolen CPN. What does a “full-blown lesbian” even mean? That Eva doesn’t actually love Mike? Even though she just gave birth to his son, and is currently bragging about all the fabulous sex she had in Greece? Whatever the case everyone is shocked by this – even Shamari, who um, at one point was actively bi-curious as a means of legally stepping out on her marriage.
Outside, on the phone NeNe convinces Eva to return, then promises to meet her to speak off-camera with no mic so Eva can explain what’s really going on. NeNe lies, of course, and keeps her mic on to confront Eva, now joined by Michael. Apparently, Marley’s biological father is super abusive and is stalking them.
Eva can’t live in the same place very long and they currently have more than one home to obscure their physical address. The restraining order against him is almost up and Eva is renewing it, to coincide with yet another move. Eva claims she has walked out on her balcony to see her ex standing there staring at her in the dark. He currently has no visitation of Marley and isn’t paying child support. Also, his Twitter shows what a standup guy he is… NOT.
Um, wasn’t NeNe so livid she physically attacked her friends because they went in her closet? Yet she has no qualms about literally digging through Eva’s closet on her metaphorical hands and knees to expose ALL the dirty laundry!
Both NeNe and Mike want Eva to confront the situation head-on so the rest of the cast can’t write the narrative of Eva’s life. Eva comes back inside the OLG, plops down, and explains what’s going on, but Marlo doesn’t believe a word. After all Eva is all over Instagram announcing where she is and who she’s with – so clearly she isn’t that desperate to hide her whereabouts from Marley’s allegedly dangerous father. Kandi tells Marlo to shhhhhhh and we’re left with a cliffhanger that probably won’t resolve like ever.
Meanwhile in the background, Mama Joyce, Aunt Bertha, and the other aunt whose name eludes me were doing a cooking demonstration of strawberry shortcake. Was anyone watching?
TELL US – WAS MARLO WRONG TO SHARE EVA’S FINANCIAL INFO? DO YOU BELIEVE EVA? DID TANYA OVERSTEP HER BOUNDARIES BY FILLING EVA IN? WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA EPISODE?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]