Lisa Hochstein Real Housewives of Miami

Real Housewives Of Miami Season 5 Episode 11: An Inside Look At Lisa Hochstein’s Nightmare

Real Housewives of Miami producers are truly doing the most to make sure we get all the goods Season 5 has to offer. Seriously, that’s how I felt watching the camera people sneakily film Lisa Hochstein and Lenny Hochstein arguing in their bedroom right after Lenny filed divorce papers. I thought that Lenny would give the producer the same treatment he gave his mom during this episode — kicked out and told never to speak to him again. Thankfully, they escaped the Hochstein House without a fuss (as far as we’re privy to).

Aside from Lisa’s crumbling life, the latest RHOM episode was as chaotic as possible. Everyone was fighting with everyone and, for some reason, a team of lawyers was involved. No one was left unscathed, except for Guerdy Abraria who was absent from the majority of the episode. Notice I didn’t say missed. Here are five of the major takeaways from RHOM Season 5 Episode 11 titled “Black Card Energy”

A Glimpse Into Lisa’s Nightmare

Lenny keeps it consistent this week by continuing to torment Lisa at every turn. He isn’t sleeping at the house and only stops by to see the kids. He wasn’t even giving her as much as a look let alone a greeting. Lisa was still torn up about it all, especially since the paperwork filing made it more real for her. Lenny isn’t accommodating to Lisa by any means. He just wants her to leave their house ASAP. “When I look into his eyes, it’s like the person I knew is dead,” Lisa said.

The final scene of the episode features the cinematic bedroom fight. Lisa is on the phone with Lenny’s now-estranged mom while trying to break up a fight between her kids. Her daughter even hit her in the face in the middle of it all. Lisa just can’t catch a break. She braces herself to ask Lenny for money to pay the nanny. The tension is as thick as Alexia Echevarria’s Cuban accent. Lenny says he doesn’t want to be filmed, but we (thankfully) hear the whole conversation go down.

Lisa started by asking Lenny why he won’t say “hi” to her. He coldly said because he has nothing to say to the mother of his kids. Soulless. He then tried to gaslight Lisa by saying she’s the one refusing to cooperate with him. He then alleged that he’s trying to help her get more than she’s entitled to in the first place. Yeah, I’m gonna need to see that in writing and checked by Alexia’s lawyers. Lenny also expressed frustration that Lisa isn’t accepting of his moves to try to kick her out of her home. He also warned her that she should be prepared for the day that she’s ordered out of the house. I have chills. I can’t imagine spending an evening with this man let alone trying to tip-toe around him during a divorce. But hey, he has a new, younger version of Lisa who has to deal with him now.

Alexia’s Anti-Apology Tour

Back at Nicole Martin’s engagement party, the drama isn’t stopping. It makes you wonder if disinviting Larsa Pippen made any difference. Adriana De Moura decided it’s a great time to sit down with the ladies and have her date pull out his signed divorce papers to prove that he’s not married. He makes the mistake of asking Alexia, the lead instigator, if she can read before handing her the papers. Obviously, the comment activates her. She maintained that the county website lists him as a married man still. Alexia goes full Brolexia and told the guy she’ll wipe her butt with his divorce papers. Iconic. She called him an asshole and left the party. Her parallels to Teresa Giudice are uncanny.

Alexia has to eat her words not too shortly after thanks to a classic case of technology troubles. She realized that once she scrolled all the way to the bottom of the county website that Adriana’s man actually is legally divorced. Whoops. Alexia was trying to downplay that she’s wrong. But when the truth comes out at a lunch she’s hosting, the ladies can’t help themselves. Adriana was both amused and angry that Alexia was so involved in her business and ended up being wrong. She demanded an apology from Alexia more than once. Alexia turned red and refused to ever apologize for the situation. See, classic Tre. Alexia now says that it doesn’t matter that Adriana’s man is single. He’s an asshole anyways, which voids everything. OK. Somehow, Alexia managed to get mad at Julia Lemigova for not stepping in and standing up for her when the guy “disrespected” her. She says this after Julia shared a story about being discriminated against for being gay. In Alexia’s mind that makes Julia the defender of all women in every situation. Don’t even try to make it make sense — it just doesn’t.

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Lawyers? These Ladies Need A Referee

To make Alexia’s lunch even more chaotic, she paid a pair of lawyers by the hour to answer various questions the ladies may have. Hey, at least it isn’t another guru. She says it was inspired by Lisa’s divorce. She wanted the ladies to be informed in case anything were to happen to them. The ladies are at level 11 at the lunch. Everyone is yelling at one another the second that the lawyers enter the room. Most of the women don’t even notice when Lisa walked in late to lunch. She just sat down on the sidelines and started eating, glad to be watching drama that isn’t her own.

The lawyers try to bring peace, but it just goes poorly. The ladies yell almost the entire time over the pair. Kiki Barth wanted to know if the lawyers have the authority to send her co-stars to jail for being so annoying. Lisa ends up getting the ladies to shut up after “embarrassing” her. Mostly, Lisa wanted to be able to take advantage of asking some much-needed questions about the Lenny of it all. The drama pauses as the ladies come together to ask helpful questions for Lisa. It is a rare moment of peace in an episode with non-stop fighting. Alexia should’ve offered the lawyers a whole bottle rather than just one drink for having to deal with all of that.

Marysol Is The Unreliable Bone Collector

Nicole spends the episode still reeling from Larsa’s accusations about her sleeping around at work. To make matters worse, no one really has her back when the ordeal comes up at her engagement party. Alexia and Marysol Patton back up Larsa, who wasn’t even at the party. Again, no sense is being made. The only thing that did make sense out of the situation is that Marysol is unapologetically messy. It makes her fun to watch, but not always the most reliable source of information.

For example, at the lunch, Marysol walked in prepared for another “sh*t show” among the RHOM ladies. Alexia started getting mad at Nicole when she asks the lawyers a question about defamation of character. The question unreasonably sets Alexia off. According to the Cuban Barbie, Nicole isn’t allowed to ask “stupid” questions because she’s married to an attorney. Marysol backed up Alexia (because, of course, she does) by saying Alexia is footing the bill so she has a say in steering the conversation. In a moment of extraness, Nicole whipped out her AmEx Black credit card and threw it into the lawyers’ lap. She says she’ll pay to ask a question. Nicole is feeling her new Real Housewives attitude.

Marysol was so obviously triggered by Nicole, and has been since she got her RHOM mojito. She decided that Nicole asking petty questions in a feud with Larsa is enough reason to be extra messy. Marysol decides to bring out “proof” that Nicole slept with every doctor at the hospital. She shows a DM that explains Nicole slept with a co-worker while she was separated from her husband. Nicole explained that it isn’t a salacious story. She had a relationship when she was separated from her first husband with a resident while she was also a resident. However, the situation just proves that Marysol is a pot stirrer. Nicole suggested Larsa could’ve made a fake account to DM Marysol, which I wouldn’t put past her. Adriana even claimed that everyone, including the pope, knows Marysol is a gossip lover. By the looks of it, she might be right.

Larsa’s Reached A New Level Of Unrelatable

Larsa really started to grow on me this season. Her wannabe Kardashian-ness became endearing in a weird way. I like when she supports Lisa and it’s been fun to watch her get a little more in the mess this season. By this episode, it’s starting to get to her head. She absolutely loves that Alexia and Marysol are fighting Nicole on her behalf. It’s a little gross to see Larsa’s mean girl attitude when it comes to Nicole. It shows one of Larsa’s flaws, which is her ego.

Larsa is so self-important because of her last name. Her friend backed up her claim that Nicole didn’t have to get on Google to know who Larsa is. It’s just making the bubble bigger, people. She also filmed a scene where she’s taking pictures and videos of her rubbing her own feet, claiming one photo will earn her $40,000. Girl, I can’t. She’s proving all of Nicole’s points about her cavalier way of attacking Nicole’s profession. Larsa needs to jump back down a peg. She should use all that energy to keep exposing Lenny and his new girlfriend rather than waste it on Nicole.


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