Kristen Doute and Scheana Marie were Andy Cohen‘s guests on Watch What Happens Live following tonight’s rather gross episode of Vanderpump Rules. Seriously, if this show gets any raunchier, it is going to have to move to Cinemax After Dark with Scheana’s Femme Fatales.
Andy asks Kristen if she wants to say anything about Lala Kent‘s “less than” comments about James Kennedy‘s penis. “I think Lala would go for anything with a man situation, regardless of shape, size, or color.”
Next topic, Jax Taylor, who poops (this week) and lies (every week) on camera. Andy wonders if he’s passive aggressively trying to get Brittany Cartwright to regret moving in with him. “I know a couple of the episodes have bothered her,” says Scheana. “I do not keep my mouth shut <understatement of the century> so I give her a head’s up on everything.”
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As for Jax‘s bathroom habits, which we now know does not include washing his hands, Kristen says, “Jax will poop in front of anyone… absolutely no shame.”
Are these names in Kristen‘s “people I want to punch” little black book?
James – “Hell yeah.”
Lala – “Definitely.”
Tom Sandoval – “For sure.”
Stassi Schroeder – “Ehhh, no.”
Ariana Madix – “Number 1.”
Jax – “Oh yeah, multiple times.”
Lisa and Ken – “Yes. No.”
Peter Madrigal – “For sure. I worked for him for how many years…”
Manager you told to suck a d–k – “Probably.”
Dishwasher who laughed when you got fired – “I can’t even. That was too good.”
Shouldn’t Shay be clean of everything, including alcohol? “He actually is clean of everything,” says Scheana. “He hasn’t drank in a couple months now, and I fully support that.” Shay, who ironically is tending the bar, chimes in to say he’s great.
Why is it okay for Shay to smoke pot? “I say a lot of things as a joke that people take too seriously,” complains Scheana. “But it is natural and it is not as bad as alcohol.”
A Vanderpump Rules fan, Biff, calls in to berate Scheana, “Why did you make that rude comment to Shay about Max‘s pills? That was not only rude but it also made everyone extremely uncomfortable. It obviously came from a really deep, resentful place.”
Scheana snaps, “You should learn to grow a sense of humor, because it was a joke. I don’t think he took it as anything serious. It wasn’t rude.” She complains, again, about people taking her too seriously.
When asked about Kristen, the fan says she is the “number one crazy person” and he loves her. “Why didn’t you just go to Hawaii and crash the party?”
Kristen admits, “I actually did consider that. Totally. Obviously. I literally did. Then I was like, ‘Eh, if I’m going to go uninvited, then Jax should be the one to pay for said ticket, which didn’t happen. It was a blessing in disguise. Did I really want to be around Tom, Ariana, and James? It would have ruined Hawaii for me. And L.A. is really warm in the summer.”
Are Kristen and Stassi friends again? “Stassi and I are really great friends again. You’ll see it throughout the rest of the season, but we’re in a better place now then I think we’ve ever been.”
A caller asks Kristen to play Marry, Shag, Kill with James, Sandoval, and Jax. “James is dead,” she says without hesitation. “I would marry Jax and shag Sandoval for one more go.”
Why is Scheana so hard on Ariana? “I don’t feel that I was hard on Ariana. There’s a lot more to the story. I love Kristen; her and I are friends.” How would Scheana feel if Jax invited Brandi Glanville to Hawaii? “That is a completely different situation.”
When asked for their opinion on Tom Sandoval yelling at Katie when she said Kristen should be invited to Hawaii, Kristen shares, “I think Sandoval needs to pipe down. CALM DOWN. Pop a Xani. Relax.” Scheana agrees, “It was over the top. He overreacted. He was so angry.” Kristen, dripping in sarcasm, adds, “But I don’t have any power over him… at all.”
Would Kristen get back with Tom if he were single? “Not a chance.”
A caller asks Scheana and Kristen what they thought about James and Lala on WWHL. Scheana says she was cringing. Kristen shares, “I’m honestly happy their true colors showed through and [Andy] said they’re not welcome back.”
Does Kristen like Lala? “I’m so indifferent to Lala. I don’t like her, she’s not my people. I don’t really know her. I don’t really want to know her.” Andy points out, “That doesn’t sound like indifference to me.”
A caller asks Kristen if she’s had any work done – on her face or her boobs – since her accident. “No, I haven’t had anything done since,” she says. “I had my Botox retouched a little bit. I’m waiting till the swelling goes down so I can get my fillers fixed. But this <grabs her boobs> is just PMS.”
Should Ariana have had more of a sense of humor about Tom Sandoval‘s ass tattoo? Scheana says, “Yes. I thought she was a little hard on him, but it was a really ugly tattoo.” Kristen adds, “I think Ariana needs a sense of humor.”
When asked to say one word to describe James, Kristen says, “Douche.”
Poll – Do you believe Kristen is no longer crazy?
Kristen predicts, “I think I’m going to get at least 51% not crazy.”
In reality, only 29% of voters believe Kristen is no longer crazy.
TELL US – DID YOU FIND SCHEANA’S “JOKE” ABOUT SHAY ASKING MAX FOR PILLS FUNNY? DO YOU BELIEVE KRISTEN IS NO LONGER CRAZY?
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