Vanderpump Rules Star Stassi Schroeder Is Ready To Get Pregnant

Sound the alarms! In what appears to be a serious statement, Vanderpump Rules resident party planner (?), Stassi Schroeder, would like to have a baby. As in, a human child. Not to be confused with a man who has the maturity level of an infant, a real live bambino. Stassi has run the gamut of boyfriends since being on VPR. She’s gone from Jax Taylor, to that guy Frank, to quite literally the most irritating person of all time (no, not Katie Maloney), Patrick Meagher. Collectively, she probably has enough experience with immaturity to handle a small child. Last February, Stassi embarked on a new relationship with Beau Clark and the rest is history.

Beau seems like a decent enough chap, aside from his love of sleeveless t-shirts. Just because he’s a hipster and the last person a craft beer sees before it dies doesn’t mean he isn’t suitable Dad material. In fact, he seems rather harmless. One thing is for sure, if Stassi does have a child, it will have an endless supply of snark running through his or her veins.

Stassi turned the ripe old age of 30 last June. For some reason, many women (except for myself and Ariana Madix) start feeling twinges of motherhood around that time. She is finally in a somewhat stable relationship, if you consider getting drunk and texting your boyfriend 98 times in two hours stable. That said, it is normal for a person in love to want to take the next step.

Page Six reports Stassi sat down with Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt during an episode of the Make Speidi Famous Again podcast. “I want to get pregnant, honestly before I even – I mean I more have like babies on the brain than I do getting married,” the former SUR server shared. Married or not, having a child is like, kind of hard Stassi. You know, like a commitment that you can’t get out of.

“I’m really excited to be a mom,” she adds. Stassi told Heidi and Spencer she is ready to get married to Beau, and hopefully, he feels the same way. If I’m being honest, Stassi has had plenty of practice dealing with child-like attitudes. You can only cry over Lala Kent’s Gucci slides and Scheana Shay’s sheer desperation (say that 3 times really fast) so many times before you develop problem-solving skills. This can only help her on her road to being a mommy. Quite frankly, if she can navigate relationships with the likes of Kristen Doute and Katie, having a baby won’t be the hardest thing she has ever done.

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I hope Stassi realizes that being pregnant means things like; losing your summer body, intense mood swings, a good amount of discomfort, and NO ALCOHOL FOR NINE MONTHS. But hey, if she’s on board, more power to her. I never judge those who want to be a mom, or those who don’t (except for you Katie, I will judge you). She and Beau could have a cute hipster family, sitting at cafes drinking Turkish coffee and playing backgammon.

I don’t know if I am ready for Vanderpump Rules with babies around. It doesn’t seem to fit in well with Kristin’s level 5 stalker tendencies. Or with Katie’s ~~lack of human decency~~ holier than thou attitude. Or anything to do with Scheana. Could you imagine if Stassi’s future child accidentally gave Katie a dirty look? I mean, an ultimatum for Stassi to fire her newborn would clearly be right around the corner. We already know Jax and Brittany Cartwright will start trying for kids before the ink on their marriage certificate is dry. If Jax makes it to the altar at all.

With Tom Sandoval and Ariana buying a house and more weddings on the way, this group is really growing up. Which means I am older than dirt. It might be time for someone on the cast to start pushing anti-aging creams instead of alcohol and sexual favors for private plane rides.