Real Housewives Of Atlanta Recap: ShadyQue

Last night the Real Housewives Of Atlanta were read, right and blue when Cynthia Bailey threw her annual “BaileyQue” (for the second consecutive year in a row). Of course, one person was glaringly absent from the guest list, and that would be Nene Leakes!

Since NeNe can’t find anyone else to film with her she has to make amends with her lackey, Marlo Hampton. NeNe has Marlo and her nephews over for lunch (to spill high tea?), and also drags blast from the unfortunate past, Yovanna along. You’ll remember Yovanna as “that bitch” who got super drunk at some weird boob-themed couples dinner and accused Eva Marcille of pretending not to remember her from college.

Nene Leakes Marlo Hampton Yovanna

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It turns out NeNe has been using Yovanna to infiltrate Cynthia by sending her to ‘support’ Cynthia’s wine cellar. Cynthia is stupid enough to fall for this and apparently indulged in her own products. Then, she talked shit about NeNe to Yovanna. Yovanna is all too thrilled to run back to Ms. Leakes with the report. NeNe insists this is Classic Cyn-Cyn, who just pretends to be ‘Cynthia’ but is really two-faced and aggressive behind everyone’s backs. How convenient that both Marlo and Yovanna will be at the BaileyQue!

Meanwhile, Kenya Moore meets Porsha Williams at some mommy and me dance class. Kenya wears heels, Porsha twerks, and Porsha has Pilar dressed up like the Chiquita banana girl. Their dance moves are not the only thing out of step, though! After class Kenya confides in Porsha that she hasn’t had sex with Marc Daly in months and Brooklyn shares their bed nightly. Porsha is aghast.

Kandi Burruss continues to remain above the fray and on the sidelines of drama. For last night’s scintillating storyline she moved 16-year-old Riley to an NYC apartment so Riley can intern with Kandi’s attorney. Kandi is shelling out $5,500 per month so Riley and a chaperone can live in a fantastic place. However, Riley still complains that she’ll have to make ice using an ice cube tray. Riley has never seen one. Or a bottle of cleaning spray…

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Meanwhile, Kaela, Todd Tucker‘s daughter who is 23 and along for this apartment reveal, gets nothing from her daddy except trips to the strip club. Kandi certainly spoils Riley, but Riley seems like a grounded and sweet kid. Kaela also seems like a nice girl, though.

Cynthia tried to make her party baby-free, but Porsha is still struggling to find a good nanny and things with Dennis McKinley are inconsistent at best. Porsha has her mom, Diane, helping, but she’s also working so everyone is stretched to the limit. Until Porsha can find someone she trusts, if family isn’t available, Pilar goes where she goes.

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I’m frankly confused about Kenya’s situation. Marc apparently doesn’t want a nanny around his daughter and doesn’t ever want to be away from her – even though he lives halfway across the country and Kenya appears to have pretty full-time childcare. Yet, Kenya claims Marc makes all the decisions.

The theme of this year’s BaileyQue is “If you don’t wear red, you get read,” but the unofficial them is BABIES!

Cynthia Bailey Real Housewives Of Atlanta RHOA

Kenya asks if she can bring Brooklyn to Cynthia’s party, but Cynthia says no. Kenya is pissy in response. Then Porsha calls to explain that she’s training a new nanny, but doesn’t trust her alone with Pilar yet. Cynthia relents. Then, she calls Kenya back to say Brooklyn is welcome. Unfortunately, it’s too late. Kenya is irritated and snaps that she has it figured out.

Kenya is also pissy with Eva for some reason that makes no sense. She is overreacting about Eva not bringing her kids to the Barbie party and pre-supposing its a judgment against her when really who wants to bring your kids anywhere if you can get someone to watch them? Including Kenya, which is her whole issue with Marc!

In retaliation, Kenya decides to regift a doll Eva gave to Brooklyn by passing it along to Porsha because Kenya doesn’t want its negative energy and insincerity. This is a low-rent version of the Blue Bunny from RHOBH. Giving a baby gift – even to people you don’t particularly know or like – is called being polite. And at least we know Eva’s mother raised her right.

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Kandi warns Kenya this is a bad idea. But, when is Kenya ever deterred from being ‘gone with the wind fabulous’?

Eva arrives first to the party and Cynthia admits that Kenya is annoyed over Brooklyn not being included. Eva is not impressed with these ‘over-the-hill’ helicopter mommies who don’t understand the social protocol for parents. I agree — not everyone wants your baby or small child at their ever event and that’s OK. If you can’t find child care, or don’t want to, don’t attend but don’t badger the host about allowing your kid to come (this also goes for Porsha). Also, I say this as a mother of two young kids.

Kenya shows up with gorgeous lobsters and crab, and a stank mood about Eva and Cynthia.

Kandi Burruss Real Housewives Of Atlanta RHOA

Before Kenya even has time to start with Eva over the doll, drama erupts between Cynthia and Yovanna over what Cynthia supposedly said behind NeNe’s back. According to Cynthia, she was upfront with Yovanna from the jump that she could tell NeNe everything Cynthia said. Oh really?

Then, Porsha finally arrives and this BaileyQue transitions to a baby shower. First Porsha spreads Pilar, plus Lauren and the nanny, all over Cynthia’s living room. Then Tanya Sam hands over a baby gift. So, then Kenya sidles over with the doll. At first, Porsha is excited, then she realizes she’s seen this doll before … When Eva gifted it to Kenya!

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Porsha Williams Real Housewives Of Atlanta

To Porsha’s credit, she immediately tells Kenya this shadiness is not OK. She refuses to be complicit in it. Especially since they are just building their friendship and she is in no mood to be dragged into some nonsense like a rag doll over what is essentially a rag doll. Porsha goes outside to tell Eva what’s going on. She decides, right then and there, they’re going to talk it out and squash this.

Well, I don’t know if ‘squashing it’ happened exactly, but there was a lot of interrupting and Eva insisting that whatever Kenya thinks she said about her having bad energy and not trusting her around her kids, isn’t true. Sure enough, the editors roll the tape of Eva explaining you just never know what to expect at a Real Housewives Of Atlanta event so she decided to leave her kids at home. Also, Eva is pregnant. So two small kids, plus being pregnant, plus any potential drama – yeah, definitely not!

Kenya Moore Real Housewives Of Atlanta

Instead of trying to make this about the here and now and take responsibility for never actually going to source, Kenya attempts to bring up some long-dead argument about Eva accusing Cynthia of paying Mike Hill to date her. When Cynthia tries to shut this down, Kenya snaps at her to be quiet. And Cynthia comes right back at her with a no, you be quiet. Like two sisters squabbling over the TV as children.

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Kandi is shocked to see Kenya dragging Cynthia in front of everyone, with no respect for her as a grown woman. Agreed. Although this is Cynthia’s own fault. She has created this paradigm, like Marlo said, of befriending strong personalities but allowing them to overrun her so that when Cynthia does have an opinion it is drowned out or silenced. Even her choice of partners fits this mold.

Marlo Hampton Real Housewives Of Atlanta

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Finally, Marlo shows up with a two-faced wig and all the animus in the world for Eva. Right after Cynthia mentions that Marlo was super positive in NYC in trying to bring her and NeNe together, Marlo starts in on Eva for being fake and living above her means.

Honestly, what is Marlo’s issue with Eva, again? Basically, Marlo started shit with Eva and is mad that Eva won’t take it and can get her right together with a read that is so tight it’s basically ClifNotes. Why does Marlo care about Eva’s finances when the rumor around ATL is that Marlo has many married sugar daddies paying her bills? She needs to sit down in her borrowed Cha-Nel and channel her efforts into getting a job.

Eva Marcille Real Housewives Of Atlanta RHOA

The entire thing is so tiresome, even to Eva. She just decides to go home. She only came for the food anyway. When Cynthia returns from walking Eva out she declares that she is too a strong woman and will put any of these bitches in their place … Um, after like, she has 6 glasses of wine and a personal bodyguard, plus a read-writer.

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Then it’s time to play Shady Games. There are awards for Best Twerker (Shamea Morton), Shadiest (Marlo) and Best Read (Eva, but she wasn’t here so it went to Kenya by default). Eventually, it’s time for the much exalted “Thirst Trap” award. Kenya nominates Marlo – a solid choice, but Yovanna, speaking as NeNe’s mouthpiece, tries to nominate Tanya. Why is never explained. That’s when Porsha slips the award right where it needs to go – on THAT bitch’s head. Porsha points to Yovanna’s Instagram, where she is drunk grinding to herself, as all the proof of thirst we need.

Finally, Marlo turns these shady Olympics into something positive when Cynthia whips out the “Most Insecure” award. Marlo decides they should all be open about their insecurities – starting with herself. When it comes to Kenya, she admits her insecurity is never finding unconditional love. Then, she won’t elaborate further on why she feels that way. Porsha can sympathize… she knows full well what it feels like to be in a distant marriage (ahem Kordell).

This is all very sad.


[Photo Credits: Bravo]