When we left the motley Vanderpump Rules crew, Tom Schwartz was using his divorce from Katie Maloney as an excuse for hanging out with Randall Emmett. What a choice! Lala Kent was clear with Tom that he needed to stand for something in their friendship, and if he was going to choose her repulsive cheating ex, she would cut Tommy out of her life. Fair enough.
This week, we start strong. Tom Schwartz is in a bucket hat. A clear signal that it’s only a matter of time until he’s trying to find an inexperienced 20-something to solve his self-inflicted problems. Make yourself a pumptini and join us!
Tom and Tom Get Down To Business…Sort Of
The episode starts off with Tom Sandoval and Schwartzy receiving sage advice from their business partner, Greg. Greg tells the boys that they should consider hiring people who can do their jobs to work at a Daily Mail soft-opening party. Someone needs to get these kids a notepad for these life lessons because quickly, Schwartz begins asking applicants questions about their taste in floppy hat fashion. Then the boys do some trapper keeper schtick thing, because what’s a Tom and Tom scene without a childish gimmick?
Greg is completely embarrassed about his partnership with the Toms. At the Daily Mail party, he pulls Lisa Vanderpump aside to let her know she has completely failed in rearing these two for the industry. What did he expect? I’m pretty sure her own son is still bussing tables. Lisa basically laughs in his face and that’s that.
Raquel Is Our Authentic Queen
This is a Raquel Leviss fan page now. You’ve been warned. I’m absolutely obsessed with this Bambi-eyed goddess. She’s giving us everything as she makes her way through a long-term breakup. Early in the episode Raqy and Peter Madrigal are on their “casual” date. Peter thinks this means wearing a white T-shirt. Raquel thinks this means crying in public over her final pageant competition and her current battle with depression. She’s not holding back at all and I am captivated.
Raquel admits things have been hard since her split from James Kennedy. She’s having to pay for her own life, and, in her words, “it’s expensive.” I’m still rooting for Raquel to pursue her master’s in occupational therapy and leave this group behind. Raquel also reveals that seeing James with Ally Lewber has made her realize she may not be over her long-term relationship like she had previously thought. Again, I’m just loving her shamelessness. And not a trapper keeper, brass instrument, or instruction manual cocktail in sight! Pure realness. We need that.
For his part, James is eating lettuce out of Ally’s mouth in a public setting in broad daylight. He’s stroking her straight-cut brown hair and telling her he’s never seen another woman with such beautiful locks. In her confessional, Ally admits she feels James is moving a little too quickly. It just keeps getting bleaker and bleaker for these men, I swear.
RELATED: Raquel Leviss Reacts To News That James Kennedy Cheated On Her With Lala Kent
Lala Needs Her Girls
Katie and Lala have a spray tan date, and Lala is going ga-ga for Katie’s bawdy. Katie admits it’s the first time someone has complimented her tits or ass in years. I truly feel for this girl despite finding her mostly unbearable for the last nine seasons of this show.
Lala shares that she’s been texting the man she met at James’ gig in the last episode, and she wants Katie to join her for a group date. Should be fun, so long as Katie can get away from being the sole caregiver for her dogs. Apparently, Tom is still relying on Katie to take care of his doggy-parenting chores. He doesn’t seem to understand Katie no longer owes him anything, and that includes handling his responsibilities.
Lala later attends tea with LVP. Lisa says what we’re all thinking, and questions how Laler was able to ignore every single red flag Randall waved in her direction. Lala maintains that she was just young, dumb, and in need of a Range Rover. She breaks down sobbing over the bloated grifter, but I’m not letting her off the hook for this cluster-f**k of a relationship just yet.
Run Raquel, Run!
Scheana Shay and Ariana Madix head over to Raquel’s new apartment to have some girl time. Am I the only one who thinks Ariana has risen to the level of Next Level Basic around here? The sea-creature extension moment was a little to “trapper keeper” for my taste. Just me?
Raquel shares that she recently learned about boundaries, and I feel like I’m watching her grow up before my very eyes. Scheana encourages Raquel to use her newfound confidence to be honest with Peter about her feelings. Raquel admits she has no interest in making out with Peter when she’s sober, and Ariana calls her the Forrest Gump of dating in her confessional. The comedy chops on this one.
Later in the episode, LVP pulls Peter aside to remind him it’s not 2012 around here. He can’t be having sexual or romantic relationships with his underlings anymore. Was that really normalized in 2012, though? I always thought Lisa was just exploiting her employee’s lack of knowledge regarding boundaries for ratings on her show. The entire explanation was uncomfortable. To make matters worse, Raquel follows it up by breaking things off with Peter for the simple fact that she’s not attracted to him anyways. Painful.
Schwartz and Sandy’s
Just typing it gives me the ick. Then we have to ensure the Toms making spitting and swallowing jokes over cocktail tasting. I don’t want to overuse the “B-word”, but it’s giving Next Level Basic, and I’m bored.
So here we are, at Schwartz and Sandy’s, which has yet to actually open. The final scenes of the episode are the Daily Mail soft-opening party for the bar. Tom and Katie see each other face-to-face, and they confront the reality of their bummer relationship. Katie calls Tom out for never choosing her over anything, and Tom just keeps repeating his lackluster regrets.
Scheana also pulls Schwartz aside for a little heart-to-heart. Tom tells her he hasn’t been dating much because he still feels married and that would be like cheating. Someone explain to me how Tom is more loyal in divorce than he was in his marriage. Just like his middle-aged bucket hat, it’s not making any sense. Scheana then asks Tom to interview on her podcast. And we all know how that turns out.
TELL US – ARE YOU ENJOYING SEASON 10 OF VANDERPUMP RULES SO FAR? WHO IS CARRYING THE SHOW FOR YOU? DO YOU THINK LALA WAS AS BLINDSIDED BY RANDALL AS SHE’S ACTING?
[Photo Credit: Tommy Garcia/Bravo]