NeNe Leakes

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Finale Recap: Monster In The House Of Peach Bellini

Age is certainly but a number judging by the season finale of Real Housewives Of Atlanta!

I don’t know when and where this development occurred, since I don’t feel like we’ve heard a word about this all season, but suddenly Cynthia Bailey is launching a wine cooler collection with Seagrams – which seems like it was really a ruse to launch the return of Kenya Moore. I mean, who could hate on a heavily pregnant lady, right? Oh, wait, NeNe Leakes could!

I have been racking my brain about where NeNe and Kenya’s latest issues stemmed from. NeNe finally confirmed they started over a random twitter question posed to Kenya that was the Bravo equivalent of Marry, Shag, Kill, except it was “Call, Text, Delete” between Porsha Williams, Andy Cohen, or NeNe. Of course, Kenya picked NeNe as her “delete.” So THIS is the origin of the animosity.

Now honestly is this really the thing middle-aged women should terminate a friendship over? I’d delete NeNe too because she’s needy as hell and seems like the type who calls you all hours of the day to talk about herself, after making your wedding all about her own drama, but then doesn’t answer the phone when you need a ride from the airport or had a fight with your boyfriend after he fake proposed to you while drunk at someone’s gender reveal party.

Anyway, Cynthia is suddenly promoting wine coolers and to go with a flavor called “Peach Bellini” she’s throwing a tropical island themed party? And to add to things that make no sense she also invited Kenya, but did not tell NeNe. Now you know this goofy-ass event was not planned by Dwight Eubanks, who would walk in to Cynthia’s party, make an invisible sniff with his invisible nose (clearly Kim Z’s inspiration!) and proclaim, drolly, “Wheaaaaare are the peaches? Dreadful…” But alas this party was planned by Cynthia’s brother, who clearly does not know that peaches are not native fruits on tropical islands!

Let’s back up a bit to a few days before this party, and Porsha’s party, back when NeNe was still not yet betrayed by Cynthia!

Marlo Hampton

Marlo Hampton visited NeNe at Swagg (which I always confuse with the rhyming Taggs Boutique, owned by Kandi Burruss). NeNe was salty because everyone – even Porsha – was invited to Kenya’s royalty inspired baby shower. When NeNe saw all the photos floating around Insta and Twitter, she put on her green-colored glasses to tweet all these sarcastic comments about what good of friends these girls are with KWEEN KRAYONCE.

In fact, given all the horrible things Kenya has done – unfollowing NeNe? – NeNe considers Cynthia’s continued friendship with Kenya a betrayal – especially because Cynthia always defends Kenya to NeNe, yet never calls Kenya out in return. Um, how would NeNe know – she probably wouldn’t be present for any call-out Cynthia did to Kenya? Of course Marlo, who is so up NeNe’s butt she might as well be her thong, agrees.

Kandi Burruss

Meanwhile, Cynthia meets Kandi at a place that serves water out of giant plastic cups. I think it was Applebees. I’m aware that the Real Housewives Of Atlanta editors flashed the restaurant name on screen about 301 times, but I really can’t be bothered to pay attention to details that aren’t fashion or drama related. Now, this is where NeNe people started saying Cynthia and Kandi conspired to invite Kenya simply to upset NeNe. I don’t think that, necessarily, but I do think they acted shady — or at least shady-esque – because they’re sick of her self-absorption and making every. single. event about HER FEELINGS and no one supporting her. UGH.

After discussing Eva Marcille‘s dubious financial situation, Kandi explains that she’s not attending Porsha’s Gender Reveal party because Porsha never attends her events to avoid Kandi’s friends. Um, considering that Kandi’s ‘friends’ tried to set Porsha up and accused her of assaulting someone at Todd’s birthday party, I’d avoid their trifling asses too.

I also agree with Kandi that she and Porsha are in a ‘good enough’ place where they are friendly, but not friends, and both of them are F-I-N-E fine with that arrangement. That’s called “Being an adult” and NeNe could learn some things. Because Cynthia shares that she has invited Kenya to her Bellini launch because she’s good friends with both Kenya and NeNe. She doesn’t even understand why they’re having issus, and refuses to get in the middle of nonsense over a party that’s supposed to be a celebration of her new business venture. Since when does Cynthia drink wine coolers? I feel like Shamari DeVoe should be launching this, not Cynthia.

Part of me thinks this whole NeNe/Kenya feud is staged for conflict in a season that was snooze button at best, but then I witnessed NeNe’s reaction at the party, and she is not that good an actress. I’ve seen The New Normal and Glee.

Eva Marcille

Over at Eva’s she and Mike Sterling have a totally NOT staged conversation justifying their move to a condo for security reasons. The producers, who do not let these Housewives get away with anything thank god, then flash to Eva giving three or four different reasons for her move, with the last one being security, as if she just came up with it on the fly once she had been called out for ragged-ass squatting at the 9th hole on the public golf course. Don’t worry – Mike promises to build Eva a big, beautiful dream house – right after he wins the Mega Millions.

Then it is time for Porsha’s Gender Reveal party. And all I have to say is HAHAHAHAHAHAHA… Little advice RHOA peeps: Stop hiring party planners other than Dwight. His parties may be cracktastic, but at least they are cracktastic in the RIGHT way, with no crazy detail unplanned. Dwight would never have decorations falling over on the guests as they walked in to an unfinished carnival while the collapsed tent was being dragged across the lawn and the ‘party planner’ hides behind the hot dog truck. Like Porsha, I too would freak out. Maybe next time Porsha should spend a little more time following up with her party planers and a little less time on pink and blue ombre wigs?

Porsha Williams

Seeing the tawdry, sad little carnival causes Porsha to bursts into tears. She has to be consoled by Cynthia, Shamari, and Tanya Sam, who distracts Porsha with the stilt walker – as one does – while Dennis McKinley berates the party planner over where the fire breather is! So after Mike Hill makes a drunken and sleazy fake proposal to Cynthia – was he proposing to her with a Solo Cup? – Porsha decides the only thing left to do is reveal the gender of this baby so everyone can go home and stop pretending they want to bounce on the deflated bounce house.

Of course, even the actual reveal didn’t go right! They had confetti poppers passed around to release either pink or blue confetti, and everyone got one with pink confetti except for Porsha! Hers was blue. Porsha spent the first minute after the reveal confused about whether or not she was having a PJ or a DJ, until she looked up and saw the oasis of pink fluttering around her head, mixed in with only a couple blue papers. Well, congrats D&P!

Oh if you’re wondering why NeNe didn’t attend her little sister Porsha’s party, it’s because NeNe claims it’s because Porsha never supports other’s events. Even though at the beginning of the season Porsha planned a surprise girl’s trip to Miami to support the opening of Swaggalicious, because NeNe was going through such a rough time with Gregg’s cancer. She even attended the Bye Wig party and had her belt assaulted, so what I’m saying is that Neenster, your Swagg dress is too short and your ass is out!

Kenya Moore Returns To Real Housewives Of Atlanta

Then from babies to Bellinis. Cynthia’s party is ridiculous, but it comes together well and everyone dresses up in tropical clothing to celebrate a PEACH flavored bottled cocktail. NeNe is in in a sour mood no matter how sweet the booze though. Like her Housewives sense knows Kenya is gonna come sauntering around the corner at any moment. And then her wish comes true! Kenya is 9 months pregnant and squashed into boob-bearing body-con dress that I hope was made of 100% leotards because stretch it did, and apparently was brought to the party by Kandi who tells Cynthia “You said you wanted Kenya here, so here she is…” or something. Later Cynthia tells Mike she’s supposed to pretend she didn’t know Kenya was coming. Which no one ever would believe.

Later Cynthia claims she INVITED Kenya, but had no idea she was actually showing up, which is confirmed by Kandi. Of course, we also heard that little phone call between Kandi and Cynthia where they agree to be on the same page about “how Kenya got there.” Hmmmm…

Cynthia Bailey

Back at the party, NeNe doesn’t bother to hide her disgust as she refers to Kenya as a “monster” and fat shames her under her breath to Marlo. Cynthia is annoyed, but refuses to let NeNe’s attitude dampen her excitement for her event – which is about HER, not NeNe (a revolutionary concept!). Just as NeNe is stomping out, Cynthia goes up on stage to thank everyone for coming, and wouldn’t you know it, Kenya also comes up to make a comment about how great Cynthia is. Kenya is proud of her FRIEND and is glad to be there, UNLIKE Cynthia’s other friend NeNe, who wouldn’t even let Gregg go to the stage to receive a group prayer of support.

NeNe Leakes & Gregg Leakes

Kandi finds NeNe just as she is walking out the door, and pretends she has no idea what’s going on. NeNe snarks that Kenya must be giving birth to a buffalo, then offers Kenya a phony, sarcastic good-bye before leaving. Now, why can’t NeNe do like Gregg did and RISE ABOVE by turning the other cheek? Gregg was polite to Kenya, congratulating her pregnancy, and then kept it moving. You know: adulting.

The next day NeNe and Cynthia meet to discuss how Cynthia’s friendship with Kenya means she doesn’t support and love NeNe like a sister. Kandi and Tanya are in attendance to restrain NeNe if things get out of hand bear witness. NeNe starts crying before Cynthia even arrives but Tanya encourages her to share her feelings and be honest. So NeNe does: she is honestly offended and hurt that no one is there for her. She rants about how Cynthia always on Kenya’s side and purposely invited Kenya to upset her.

NeNe Leakes & Tanya Sam

At first, Cynthia held her ground, insisting she doesn’t have to run her party guests by NeNe for approval, nor does she have to justify her friendships, because as a grown woman, Cynthia can be friends with both NeNe and Kenya.

Then NeNe started crying about how no one understands what she’s going through, so Cynthia loses her temporary spine. Outside, just the two of them, Cynthia promises to stop playing the middle ground and prove that she’s a good friend to NeNe. Inside Kandi and Tanya roll their eyes at how much nonsense there is over Kenya attending ONE party without NeNe’s permission.

Cynthia Bailey

Um, if you are afraid to tell your friend you invited another friends she dislikes, because said friend will be so irascible that she may ruin your event, it probably means you shouldn’t be friends with this person, Cynthia!

Cynthia and NeNe end as friends, but we all know that isn’t going to last! The reunion starts next week and WHEW! If the previews are to be believed, this is going to be deadly and NeNe will have no friends left by the end.


[Photo Credits: Bravo]