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Vicki & Brooks - RHOC season 10

Tonight Real Housewives Of Orange County returns for its 11th season – yes, this will mark ELEVEN seasons of Vicki Gunvalson yelling “WOO HOO” and demanding we all go to Andales and whoop it up. Even if we don’t wanna – which obviously we do!  But before we go forward with the future, it’s time to revisit the past – which is all about Brooks Ayers and CancerGate

We spent the entire season chasing down Brooks’ diagnosis (which came back “LIARFACE!”). After Brooks announced his decision to eschew chemo, everyone just wanted Brooks and Vicki to prove emphatically that he had cancer – non-Hodgkin Lymphoma to be exact, instead he did some Earthing and drank smoothies.

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Cancergate, spurned by a little detective known as the RHOC producers Meghan King Edmonds! Meghan made her debut and she was determined to make her mark – both as a #HashtagCoolStepMom and as the woman who toppled Bricki. I have to give credit for that!

 

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Heather Dubrow was building her house. And building it. And building it. And building it. And in between there she also launched a Methode Champenoise (in her porte-cochere) named Colette. 

Shannon & David - mock funeral

Shannon Beador and David spent the season woooooooorrrrrrkkkkkkinnng thrrrrrroooouuuuugggghh THE AFFAIR. Again and again. First they faked their funerals. Then Shannon turned her wrath on Meghan. Then they drove around in circles on a golf cart. Shannon had a meltdown over milkshakes. Then David gave her a bracelet for the Greek God of Revenge (or something). Then Shannon had a full-fledged meltdown on ‘The Affair’ at some football game. Then David touched Shannon’s poop after a colonic gone-wrong and it was all love and paradise. 

Vicki learns her mom passed away

Vicki had a hard season. Her mom passed away, and while she was dealing with that death – and barely processing it – everyone started to have serious suspicions about Brooks. Plus, Vicki and Tamra Judge still couldn’t decide if were friends, enemies, or stuck with each other. 

Tamra becomes a grandmother

When Tamra wasn’t kevetching about her on-again/off-again friendship with Vicki, she made a sex tape, got her fake boobs re-inserted, became a grandmother when Ryan welcomed a daughter, and she also found Jesus. So those were positives. 

Unfortunately Brooks’ lies also affected another relationship in Vicki’s life – her daughter Briana, now living in Oklahoma, refused to visit Vicki while Brooks was living there and continued to call out their unhealthy relationship and question Brooks’ behavior. No matter – Vicki tried to buy Briana’s love with a new car, Price Is Right-style (it didn’t work). 

Meghan & Jim are oozing the love

When we met Meghan, Jimmy Jazz Hands was throwing up all sorts of David Beador signals ‘NOT INTERESTED or NOT IN LOVE’ signals to his wife, as he barely tolerated her immaturity and nonsense – and spent a lot of time in St. Louis (which coincidentally was far from Meghan). Meghan stayed home to play pretend mommy to her teenaged step-daughter Hayley

But thanks to Tamra visiting a psychic popstar who had a tingly little feeling called ‘I get to be on TeeVee!’ that Brooks‘ cells may not be what they say, Meghan got all the impetus she needed to start a deep, dark probe into what happens inside Vicki’s love tank. (That sounds gross – it was supposed to!). Anyway Meghan was bored. And she had access to Google, and those two are obviously a dangerous combination (watch out world here she comes – she’s a Housewives eater!). 

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Heather had a party to introduce the skeleton of her house, where over lunch Meghan confronts Vicki about Brooks‘ suspicious medical records, and Vicki erupts. And we were off! “Welcome to Mount Dubruvious – My name is Meghan and I’ll be your guide to the Fake Cancer Unit.”

Meghan then confronted Brooks directly when Shannon had some sort of I Believe In Horoscopes Party, and even her husband Jim was like ‘Zip-It, Stretch Armstrong Barbie’! After that Brooks decided he was no longer socializing with this toxic cesspool of harridans. But Meghan was on to something…and that planted a seed. And it began to take root. And flower… Only Lizzie Rovsek tried to convince Meghan to back-off, cause she’s too sweet and innocent to think someone would lie about cancer. 

While Brooks was juice cleansing to become cancer-free, Meghan was furiously investigating every little medical record and every little tale, and calling all the doctors and doing all the internet research on the lurid tale of the first time Brooks lied about this cancer diagnosis. 

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Meanwhile, at Tamra’s sex tape party, Vicki wanted an apology from Meghan for questioning Brooks, but Meghan was all “NO! Cause he’s a liar” so Vicki called her a psychopath, and ended up ordering Daddy Warbucks Jim to set some rules for his daughter-wife. Which we were all like yeah, Meaghan does need some rules and boundaries. Even though Brooks IS a liar and a fraud, it’s pretty skeevy (and bizarre!) to be probing into someone’s life – someone you do not know at all – just because you feel like you believe in “justice!”

Regardless of Meghan’s belief that she was on a necessary quest for truth, her methods were uncomfortable and encroaching upon very inappropriate, and I still don’t condone them. 

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Unfortunately, with all her friends suspecting something “hinky”, and her daughter disowning her, Vicki put the pedal to the metal and used that full love tank all she could and defended Brooks with all she got, even trying to convince Tamra with some bogus medical records, and denied he was a leech and a liar. Oh, and funny – there were real leeches – but they were on Heather, not Vicki. 

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The ladies also took trips. First they went to Napa to launch Collete. At that point Shannon and Meghan were NOT getting along because Meghan wanted Shannon’s help with some charity function, and Shannon was all HOW DID YOU GET MY PRIVATE NUMBER?! I DO NOT GIVE OUT MY PRIVATE NUMBER BECAUSE PEOPLE STALK ME – LIKE THE AFFAIR! AND I CAN’T HELP YOU BECAUSE YOU ONCE TALKED TO DAVID AND I WASN’T RIGHTHERENEXTTOYOU OVERSEEING THIS CONVERSATION. AND ALSO BECAUSE I’M TOO BUSY DEALING WITH THE AFFAIR AND HAVE A COLONIC TO FAIL AND A FUNERAL TO FAKE. SO I HATE YOU!

Meghan decided Shannon had “judgey eyes” and had a party she didn’t invite Shannon to on purpose, and called Shannon crazy, and Heather and Shannon argued about whether or not Shannon called Heather a “pot-stirrer” because Tamra said she did, but then everyone decided what was really crazy was all the things that didn’t add up about Brooks and his cancer, and Vicki’s odd behavior about it, so they decided to combine forces and tackle that beast all unified.

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Next they went to Tahiti, where Vicki and Tamra weren’t too happy by Meghan’s over-zealous step-momming and decided to set her straight about crossing boundaries, such as gold digging! Meghan decided she definitely didn’t like this Vicki person. Other than that Vicki, Tamra, and Shannon got so drunk Shannon erupted into an asthmatic coughing fit. Then they swam with sharks

By the season finale Tamra was getting baptized in a Motel Six pool by her “pasture,” and Vicki was on her own island – floating way out there in the deep end of the ocean with a deflating raft – and I don’t know how easy it is to access a love tank from out there. Air! Oxygen! Vicki refused to show Brooks‘ medical records because Brooks wouldn’t let her and she just wanted her friends to believe her, but alas too much water under the bridge for that! 

Tamra baptism

The other ladies were convinced Vicki knew Brooks was faking cancer, and tried to use his diagnosis to make the women feel sorry for him and then like her. Heather had even discovered that the doctor Brooks was seeing had once treated her cellulite. I guess it worked since she doesn’t even have a one. 

Shannon had her own agenda – she flipped out after learning that Vicki’s sister-in-law Ronda knew about the affair – and suggested Shannon should show some receipts to prove it happened – which meant Vicki was spreading it to the whole world or something. 

The Real Housewives of Orange County - Season 10

Everyone tried to confront Vicki, but she just started ranting that “SayTon” is confusing and then hopped in a  limo to ride off into her doom with Brooks. Satan thy name is Brooks, apparently. 

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The reunion was a bloodbath. By then it was all but proven that Brooks was never almost dying from Stage-3 Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Briana alleged that Vicki was abused, physically, emotionally, and verbally by Brooks and that’s how she got dragged into perpetuating his lies.

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Vicki tried, in vain, to convince the women that she had no idea he was lying, but no one believed her. Tamra also blamed Vicki for mocking her custody issues during her sex tape party, and Shannon continued accusing Vicki of gossiping about David’s affair when NO ONE KNEW. 

All in all – the season ended very badly for Vicki, who still today has no friends in her castmates. Ouch! 

TELL US – ARE YOU EXCITED FOR SEASON 11? WHAT WERE YOUR FAVORITE & LEAST FAVORITE MEMORIES FROM LAST SEASON?

[All Photo Credits: Bravo]

 

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