It was a wedding and practically a funeral on last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta. Eva Marcille said “I Do” to Michael Sterling in a super lavish ceremony and reception that was completely upstaged by NeNe Leakes‘ drama with everyone.
Eva’s wedding gown consisted of a 400 foot train (length and width) with these weird insect leg things that propelled out from her bust like rings of Saturn. Essentially the bottom part was Princess Diana. Meanwhile, the top was Alien Queen. I really didn’t get the effect.
Especially when coupled with Eva’s hair, which featured an ENORMOUS crown thingy that looked like it belonged with a Frozen costume and frizzy hair underneath her veil. Also, super long pointy matte white nails like she painted them with White-Out. You know you did that in middle school too! Anyway, I felt like the whole look was stiff, overdone, and not particularly flattering. Very costume-like. Just me?
Eva’s dress was so enormous she could barely get onto the altar beside Michael.I’m pretty sure she could’ve smothered at least several badly behaving Housewives under the skirt alone. At one point Shamari DeVoe may have passed out under there after getting Eva’s money worth at the open bar.
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Still Eva and Michael were happy, and in love, and their vows were lovely. The actual wedding venue was gorgeous and shockingly tasteful. Eva’s wedding planner did a great job! Also Eva’s reception dress, for all its drama, turned out to be much prettier and fresher than the actual ceremony gown.
Who did not look happy or in love, although her dress was fantastic, was NeNe. Actually, NeNe’s dress reminded me of TwoFace, the Batman Villain. I’m sure she didn’t realize the irony of this. However, it was too perfect (pun intended). NeNe was supposed to go to the wedding with Shamari since both their men couldn’t attend, but at the last minute, she called to tell Shamari she probably wasn’t even coming at all! Even though NeNe was scheduled to make a wedding toast to Eva and Michael. Which means NeNe was probably texting Eva as she was getting dressed for her wedding so Eva could beg her to show up. I can’t do an eye roll emoji from my computer, but trust me – it’s there.
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Shamari wound up being the “very proper third wheel” to Tanya Sam and her fiancé. They started doing shots in the car on the way to the ceremony. Of course, it escalated from there. Maybe Marlo Hampton is right and Shamari does have a drinking problem? Perhaps she has social anxiety. Or issues with her marriage. Or she misses Ronnie DeVoe. Maybe Shamari is exhausted from being alone with twins all the time. Or possibly as she later tells us, she just didn’t eat all day.
I hope this isn’t the pattern, because that is a whole separate issue which made me realize that everyone is always gasping over how tiny Shamari is. Eating before drinking is college freshman logic to go with the “college freshman drunk” analogy Shamari gave to NeNe when apologizing for puking all over her bathroom. Have no worries. The maid cleaned the whole thing up! And Shamari gave NeNe a new bottle of booze to apologize for wasting her previous one.
NeNe bawled throughout the ceremony. Then, she literally ran out as soon as Eva and Michael started their processional which had Kandi Burruss, Cynthia Bailey, and Marlo chasing after her. Isn’t this event supposed to be about Eva? NeNe confides to Cynthia that just before she came to the wedding Gregg said he wanted to separate. Cynthia is shocked. NeNe and Gregg are already in separate bedrooms, but NeNe confirms that Gregg meant separate houses. NeNe seemed strangely OK with this possibility.
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Cynthia doesn’t want to hear this now. She was just imagining herself standing at an altar alongside Mike Hill, wearing another behemoth of a weird dress. But, this time saying vows to a man she actually believes in. One who hasn’t – just days before – invested all her savings in a failed business. Cynthia understands where NeNe is coming from though. She’d rather do a long distance relationship with someone she loves, than be in the same house with someone she doesn’t. Cynthia practically shudders at the memories of her time with Peter Peachter Bank Account Eater. Meanwhile, Mike confesses to the other guys that a third marriage – for him – doesn’t seem to be on the agenda. Time for that dreaded ‘relationship goals’ talk!
NeNe reveals that Gregg has been very, very mean to her. She says no one should have to put up with the things he says behind closed doors. In fact, the Gregg we see publicly is very different from the Gregg NeNe has put up with all these years. She’s often taken the blame when she shouldn’t have. Yikes – that’s quite a damning accusation.
NeNe’s confessions are interrupted by Shamari teetering over, slurring about how she saw some tweeeeetszzz NeNe posted about Gregg. She is here for her. Marlo tries to shove Shamari away, but come on – Shamari does know about being married to a condescending asshole!
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There is other drama also brewing: Kandi and Porsha Williams need to talk to NeNe about what happened during the No Wig party. Marlo has since added more drama to an already stressful situation. She told NeNe that Kandi and Porsha were talking shit about her when they all had lunch. Also, we learn that after Porsha and Kandi left, Porsha called someone (we never learn whom) still at the party. And she could hear NeNe rampaging in the background that next time she saw them there would be issues. That doesn’t really sound like a threat so much as an emotional, probably tipsy woman, venting. But, I mean this is Real Housewives and they adhere to a different moral code.
Anyway, Kandi and Porsha are upset. They are chatting amongst themselves about how to handle things when Marlo plops down between them. She decides she will bring NeNe over so everyone can air their grievances. Wasn’t Marlo just annoyed with Shamari for bothering NeNe and bringing up upsetting topics when NeNe is already an emotional mess? Also isn’t it funny that now Kandi and Porsha are friends again?
Predictably, NeNe takes no accountability for her outburst and physical aggression at the No Wig party. Then, she accuses the women of not supporting her when she’s going through such a harrowing time. I agree with NeNe that when she told Kandi and Porsha not to go in the closet, they should’ve respected that. However, that didn’t justify her lashing out physically and becoming so verbally abusively.
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And yes, during this time her friends should be more forgiving of her unpredictable emotions. But honestly, NeNe is the woman who cries ‘No Love’ even when everyone is sucking up to her. So, it’s a little hard to accept her argument. Also what happened with Porsha’s belt? Eventually, Porsha and Kandi decide they just don’t care about the No Wig drama. All is forgiven. In fact Kandi actually apologizes to NeNe, so there’s your support Ms. Leakes!
Then Marlo reminds NeNe that she is due to make a toast to Eva and Michael, which is kind of the whole reason they’re all here at a glorified prom with just as much high school drama. As NeNe is making her way to dinner, Shamari stumbles over and is so drunk she probably thinks NeNe is a twin. She slur-screams that she is THERE for NeNe and wants to hellllp. Then, Kandi drags Shamari off to the dinner table so she can slur-scream that Eva’s mom is sooooooooooooo gorgeGJUS.
Shamari suddenly realizes she hasn’t eaten anything but bread all day. Um, is it really a good idea for Ronnie to be leaving Shamari home alone all the time with twin babies? Shamari seems to need a nanny for herself!
Since NeNe is a professional, who is always performing at this point, she rallies to make a few generic comments about love and commitment to Eva and Michael. Then she goes back to the table to cry into her $1,000 dinner, which was probably generic as well. Thankfully Eva was so bursting with love and she didn’t seem to notice anything was amiss.
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TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF EVA’S WEDDING? WAS NENE BEING SELFISH?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]