The OGs of the Real Housewives line-up are back next week. The Real Housewives of Orange County has had many ups and downs, but last season the ladies thusly represented on the drama front and brought in big ratings!
Everyone's relationships were thrown in a blender as friendships fractured and reconnected. Tamretchen fell apart (like no one saw that coming) and Tamricki was restored to their rightful order as queen bitches. Businesses were opened, weddings were planned, the Dubrow marriage was strained, and Lauri Peterson staged a dramatic comeback!
The topsy-turvy season began with a brought back from the dead Alexis Bellino who had to go on Xanax to deal with Tamra Barney. Yes, she was so desperate to famewhore she needed psych drugs. While Alexis focused on relevance and opening a tramboppily boob-bouncing for Jesus trampoline park, Tamra opened C.U.T Fitness.
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The first fight of the season featured Alexis squaring off against her now nemesis Gretchen Rossi and Tamra at a CUT Fitness opening party. We were introduced to newbie Lydia McLaughlin, who loves Jesus, had a manic pixie pot-smoking mama, and does not believe grown women can be bullied.
Among the other new faces last season, was Vicki Gunvalson's cosmetically altered one. A perk of her new friendship with Alexis was discount plastic surgery courtesy of Dr. Niccole. Vicki also became a grandma when Briana gave birth to son Troy.
Vicki and Tamra are still at odds over Vicki's relationship with Brooks Ayers. Basically no one likes Brooks and everyone but Vicki is aware of his dubious dealings! Briana who lives with Vicki while husband Ryan is deployed won't let Brooks come over. Brooks and Vicki are on-and-off - and while they're off he is getting very busy with Lauri's daughter's porn star friend!
Tamra and Vicki take a trip to Malibu to further their Wines By Wives venture. Tamra accuses Vicki of focusing on the now defunct Vicki's Vodka instead of their company and freezes Vicki out to focus on getting sloppy with Heather Dubrow. Vicki leaves early to meet friends and the two end up screaming at each other outside a Malibu vineyard. They're like so professional, y'all. More like professional bitches!
After Malibu Eddie confronts Tamra about her temper and she realizes she needs to make peace with her past – particularly her emotionally distant parents and her history of depression. Tamra speaks at a women's expo about being a teen mother and having a couple failed marriages in her past. Eddie finally agrees to set a wedding date and planning is up and running!
In other dysfunctional relationships, Heather lands a role on Hot In Cleveland and accuses Terry of being unsupportive of her super-duper A-List actress
Since no one cares about Gretchen's floundering relationship or ovaries, she meets up with Lauri to have a tet-a-tet about the terrible no-good lying ways of Vicki. Lauri dishes that Vicki's had threesomes, and affairs, and toothless Greek lovers – oh my!
Despite the fact that Gretchen and Tamra are more broken than a BFF friendship heart necklace, Gretchen plans Tamra's bachelorette party for her THIRD wedding so the group, sans Alexis, heads to Mexico. And all the penis pops in all the Gunvalson mouths cannot make this Mexican weekend a success.
Tamra and Vicki grow tired of Heather and Gretchen being boring so they ditch them to get naked wasted in electric bows. Vicki has so much fun she pees her pants. Gretchen is so angry she promises to unleash a "wrap of furry" on Vicki's hypocritical ass! Maybe she'll have to settle for unleashing a wrath of rancid strippers on Vicki instead.
After hypocrite wars and pool-side fighting, Gretchen hosted a male g-string bonanza that left Heather hovering beneath a biohazard tent inhaling Lysol. Sadly, it was the twerk that broke plastic blondes' back because it was the beginning of the end for Tamra and Gretchen's 'friendship'.
Alexis has found it in her heart to make amends with Tamra – but only because her blingin' Bible told her so. Now she and Tamra are tepidly rebuilding their relationship, unbeknownst to Gretchen who suddently finds herself the odd blonde out! But… but… but… she she has penis pops!
Lydia hosts a salsa party which Heather doesn't want to attend if Plastilexis fakeness is there, but ultimately she does and everyone makes up and has fun. Except Gretchen. Tamra decides as an act of good will to invite Alexis wedding dress shopping with the group. Gretchen no likey since Tamra is her friend – duh friendship
Gretchen further ruins things when Slave gets into it with Lydia about how skinny she is. Since Slave thinks every woman alive should look like a plastic-faced pageant queen, he tells Lydia to eat a cheeseburger. She's offended.
Wedding dress shopping was anything but loving when Gretchen rains on everyone's parade by threatening not to come if Alexis is there and Lauri drops a bomb about Brooks canoodling with porn stars behind Vicki's back. Gretchen also declares that she gave up an acting job on Malibu Country to attend Tamra's dress shopping and guess who else has a job on that show?! Heather!
A long-drawn out argument about whether or not Gretchen got cast for a 'real role' or a walk-on part that was also offered to other Housewives including Alexis erupts. Gretchen maintains it was a legit casting role, while Heather armed with ego stroking from her agent insists Gretchen is a lying, liar pants of extreme liardom.
Since none of these ladies can get along, they decide to take a cast trip to Lydia's homeland in Canada. It was time for a round of "Go Tell It On The Mountain" when Lauri and Vicki got into a mountain top rumble that caused an avalanche of accusations, smear campaigns, and screaming. Vicki did not have threesomes. Lauri is disgusting, filthy, and dirty. Vicki is lying. Lauri claims Vicki was spreading rumors about her husband George and that's what started the feud. Vicki claims she was recipient of an unfortunate email and the only person she made the information privy to was former castmate Jeanna.
At dinner that evening the battling continues between Gretchen and everyone. Things got so frost bitten that stateside Gretchen decided to plan a special top-secret proposal for Slade – which included a special song!! – and did not invite any of her dear, dear friends. Uh-oh!
The final fight of the season took place at Vicki's Winter Wonderland Finale party. Unfortunately not only did Lydia unleash a wrap of furry on Slave for his cheeseburger comments and negativity towards women, but Vicki's son-in-law Ryan flipped out on Lydia's mom Judy with a string of obscenities before kicking her out of the party. Someone needs to read Class With The Countess…
The three-part reunion proved to be a showdown between Gretchen and everyone and her friendships with Tamra, Heather, and Alexis were irretrievably broken. Tamra is now wearing Vicki's friendship handcuff.
The big revelations of the reunion revealed that Vicki and ex-husband Donn had been unfaithful to each other during their marriage. And Briana came armed with a recording of a drunk Brooks threatening to beat Vicki to keep her in line.
After all the negativity, Lydia wisely quit the show. Alexis and Gretchen were fired and RHOC returns with two new Housewives, Shannon Beador and Lizzie Rovsek. The drama promises to be just as intense as the ladies travel to Asia and Tamra gets into it with new 'friend' Danielle Gregorio.
Real Housewives of Orange County returns next Monday at 9/8c.
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