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DO NOT USE THIS- Real Housewives of Atlanta

Real Housewives of Atlanta is down one OG, but one thing is for sure, Season 13 is insane. Filming through a summer filled with a pandemic, fighting for racial equality, and planning Cynthia Bailey’s wedding, the ladies are back and very ready to party.

Viewers will meet two new cast members. Drew Sidora is joining the group full time and Latoya Ali will show up as a friend. Tanya Sam and Marlo Hampton, with her eternally empty hands, will appear part time as well. If a worldwide health crisis and extensive racial unrest weren’t big enough issues to address, we will also dive deep into the rabbit hole of STRIPPERGATE. Judging from the trailer and someone’s questionably placed ankles, this particular rabbit hole will be long, dark, and have dollar bills in his g-string.

Let’s just get right into it. People shared the Season 13 clip for RHOA and there is a lot to unpack. Might need to watch this wearing a hazmat suit and have some bleach at the ready. As Porsha Williams warns us, “Have your mask and your wig on tight, boo…” Porsha also offers us a new Pinterest inspirational quote with, “I will quarantine a bitch.”

The video leads straight into debauchery. Sex toys, half-dressed men, SWINGS! It’s like watching Kandi Burruss’ inner monologue. If it left Marlo with an astonished look, we are in for it. The scene of the crime (in at least 3 states) is Cynthia’s bachelorette party. Social distancing was not on the game list. “Turn off the cameras and we can actually have fun,” says one anonymous voice.

 

RELATED: Real Housewives Of Atlanta Bailed On Filming Cynthia Bailey’s Wedding Due To Covid-19

 

Fans are offered a look at Drew. She “brings the flavor to Atlanta” and seems to be the type that wishes a trick would. Drew offers some helpful advice in one scene by stating, “I’m from Chicago, bitch, don’t f*ck with me.” Noted. Drew will navigate some marital issues with her husband, who was almost her ex-husband. We learn her man disappeared for three days where I’m sure nothing salacious took place. When Drew questions his whereabouts, he replies he was “always accessible”. This won’t end well for him.

Ah Cynthia’s wedding. What can you say about planning a huge event amid a virulent health crisis? Cynthia doesn’t care. “I just wanna marry my man and if that looks like everyone turning up in astronaut suits…so be it.” Her selflessness and compassion for others is overwhelming. But her path to the altar was impeded by many barriers, almost as if the universe was trying to send a message… Like you know, don’t get married during a fucking pandemic.

 

RELATED: Real Housewives Of Atlanta Alum Sheree Whitfield Blames The She By Shereé Failure On Coronavirus

 

Kandi is still battling Riley Burruss’ dad for child support. Riley is 18 now, so is it 2016 in Kandi Kountry? Has Kandi gone full circle back to Season 2? Mama Joyce blesses our screens by labeling Riley’s dad a “hood rat” and pointing out he hasn’t paid support in ten years. I guess Kandi isn’t opening any businesses this year.

We visit Porsha’s remarkable transition into activist. Like most southern towns, Atlanta was at the forefront of the Black Lives Matter movement. Porsha was among the many protestors at a Breonna Taylor gathering, she marched for George Floyd, and she attempts to engage others to join her in the battle against racism.

 

RELATED: Porsha Williams And Dennis McKinley Confirm Their Split

 

Kenya Moore is living her best life now that NeNe Leakes is officially gone. After a turbulent union with Marc Daly, Kenya says she “got her groove back”. Marc filed for divorce and went the super macho route by requesting alimony. Kenya is still suffering from NoOneLikesMeitis as she finds herself not invited to a function, and productions feigns ignorance at the slight. Relationship woes continue as Porsha seems to finally acknowledge Dennis McKinley is more of a frog than a hot dog king.

Strippergate descends upon us! Grab your prayer hankies and prepare the fainting couches. There are asses. There are tongues. There are things we shouldn’t see before having dinner. Speaking of dinner, Kenya claims to have heard “sex noises” coming from a bedroom as the ladies enjoy a fun-filled meal. Tanya Sam’s eyeballs are on full alert as LaToya claims “it wasn’t a sex party”. Uh-huh. An unseen female voice says, “she can f*ck really good”. It seems the concerns for both COVID and chlamydia went out the door at this time.

 

RELATED: NeNe Leakes Reportedly Wanted $125k To Attend Cynthia Bailey’s Wedding

 

As Porsha and Tanya try to deflect fingers and penises pointed in their direction, Kandi’s haunting voice says, “what happens in the dungeon, stays in the dungeon”. Until the buzz wears off and you remember there are multiple cameras, microphones, crew, and an audience of people getting ready to dissect each and every moment of what was captured on film. Season 13 will begin on December 6. Happy holidays to us!

Watch the Real Housewives of Atlanta trailer below.

TELL US- WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE TRAILER? WILL DREW MAKE A GOOD ADDITION? WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON STRIPPERGATE?

[Photo Credit: Bravo]