Guys night means nothing! Especially when it was coordinated and attended by our founding mother, Scheana Shay. And bless her for it.
When we left off, the Vanderpump Rules cast was gathering ‘round to celebrate Tom Schwartz’s divorce from Katie Maloney. Schwartz was joined by Tom Sandoval, Brock Davies, Scheana, James Kennedy, and a few other stragglers. It was pretty tame until Raquel Leviss and Charli Burnett walked in mic’ed and ready.
James is very bothered by Raquel’s drop-in on “Guy’s Night + Scheana.” He wanted to talk about girl butts. His words. James texts his girlfriend, Ally Lewber, and eventually leaves the event entirely. It appears Ally isn’t ready to trust him around Raquel quite yet. I found it embarrassing for all three of them.
Meanwhile, Sandoval is salivating while staring at Raquel. It’s haunting. She sits herself down next to Schwartz and explains the events from Lake Havasu. Raquel says she had to defend herself against Schwartz’s ex-mother-in-law. Tom #1, as I will now call him, tells her she did the right thing, and in his confessional admits he finds her outspoken glow-up “sexy.”
Later in the episode, Raquel checks in with James about his leaving Boys Night. She thinks it’s a little dramatic considering they’re going to be at events together again soon. She asks if James is bringing Ally to Sandoval’s upcoming pool party, and James is surprised he doesn’t even know about the event. Once again, he’s been cast aside by the men of VPR. Raquel assures James he’s invited because #SCANDOVAL TOLD HER! Even James seems to think this is a weird way to receive his invitation.
Lala Kent is still pursuing Bucket Hat. In her confessional, she’s rewriting herstory again. She takes her opportunity to insult Randall Emmett’s sexual prowess as if it needed to be said. I think I liked it better when she was trying to sell us tall tales about “The Fat Man.” Now she tells us she hasn’t had sex since she conceived her kid and she hasn’t had an orgasm since 2016. The more you know!
So Bucket Hat comes over and he’s still wearing sunglasses. Lala has him sit on the couch and speak in innuendo for the
camera other girls awkwardly watching. Then they head to bed to “get service.” Lala claims it was the best sex ever. By my calculations, that makes him solidly average.
Schwartz & Sammies
Lisa Vanderpump is really investing in the cast this season if you know what I mean. First, we see her have a sit-down lunch with the Toms. She’s upset to learn they still need over $50K to open their strip-mall bar. Schwartz thinks they’re leaning too hard into perfectionism, but also admits their chef has no actual experience running a kitchen. Sandoval literally asks him to stop talking.
Later, we see Katie and Ariana Madix preparing to move forward with their sandwich shop. They’ve hired someone to help them with their pitch, they’re budgeting to understand what they can afford, and they’re hardly doing any hallucinogenic drugs. Boss babes activate!
Katie and Ariana sit down with Lisa for drinks at SUR. They share all their good news, and Lisa is impressed. Just one problem. Ariana breaks the news to Katie that she is about to be disinvited from sharing Scheana Shay’s bridal resort in Mexico. Will this business partnership make it through more friend group drama?
I wrote a story back in July about how Lala turned her scraggly hair into bangs and it’s all I could think about during this scene. Just had to point that out. If we have to know about her orgasm timeline, I think we also deserve answers on those wisps.
So James approaches Lala at the pool party and starts asking about her run-in with Raquel at Lake Havasu. At the same time, Raquel is telling Scheana she thinks Lala is pathetic for being a hypocritical mistress. Then we switch back to Witches of WeHo 2.0 (Katie, Lala, and Kristina Kelly) telling Ariana she would be on their side of the Havasu drama if she was there when it all went down.
Ariana has her head on a swivel. She presses The Witches on whether they would have mocked her for using a galaxy light. They balk and pretend it was all just lighthearted teasing. I refuse to defend Raquel right now, but it’s painful.
Before I can get too distracted by how much I literally can’t stand any of these people, in comes Tom Sandoval to ground my lightning rod of hate. He starts to belittle Katie to the point that Ariana walks away. She’s sick of seeing him argue with “the girls.” Tom then begins defending RACHEL who has come under Lala’s attack.
There’s really no reason for Tom to be speaking at all. As if I needed to say that. Raquel actually handles herself just fine against The Witches 2.0. She tells Lala, “you’re a bully, you’re f–king pathetic… I’ve finally learned my lesson with you.” She calls Katie and Kristina Kelly “chihuahua followers” and then saunters off to flirt with Schwartz.
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After the Raqy explosion, Scheana seizes her moment to approach Katie about her Mexico wedding. She explains that her bridesmaid needs the room, Katie doesn’t want to be there anyways, and she’ll pay her back for the cost of the space and canceling. Seems pretty fair. But Katie wants more. She literally wants to be an intruder at Scheana’s wedding resort so that her late-to-book bridesmaid has to stay next door instead. Kind of creepy.
Schwartz takes up for Scheana and Katie is devastated he still won’t take her side now that they’re divorced. She thought that once she wasn’t his wife, he would be able to see her as a person. Tragic and deeply flawed.
Speaking of, we ended the show with the mid-season trailer. Buckle in, people! We’re not even halfway through Season 10!
TELL US – DO YOU FEEL BAD JAMES IS ON THE OUTSIDE AGAIN? IS HE OVERREACTING ABOUT HAVING TO BE AROUND RAQUEL? DID YOU CLOCK TOM STARING AT RAQUEL DURING GUYS’ NIGHT? ARE YOU TEAM LALA OR RAQUEL? ARE YOU TEAM KATIE OR SCHEANA?
[Photo Credit: Charles Sykes/Bravo]