VANDERPUMP RULES -- Pictured: (l-r) Tom Schwartz, Tom Sandoval -- (Photo by: Jesse Grant/Bravo)

Tom Sandoval & Tom Schwartz Predict Stassi Schroeder Will Be Next To Get Engaged

My guess is when you guys think about “true love”, no one from Vanderpump Rules comes to mind. Perhaps visions of Mike and Carol Brady fill your head or Princess Leia and Han Solo… But I’m definitely not picturing Tom Schwartz getting the verbal beat down from owner wife, Katie Maloney. Visions of Tom Sandoval and glorified roommate Ariana Madix certainly don’t fit. Shall we talk about marriage-bound Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright? No, we better skip them too. Oh, hang on a second, we cannot forget Lala Kent and Randall Emmett. Those two are the epitome of what a REAL relationship looks like. I think we can all agree that Lala would 1,000% be with Rand if he weren’t rich and a Hollywood producer. Because Lala typically goes for men with 19 chins and children from previous relationships. #sorrynotsorry

So who will be next to put a ring on it and start heading down the aisle of permanent togetherness? Even though, Tom 1 and Tom 2  are historically the happiest couple on the show… The Toms do have an idea, but if you ask me it’s more the result of what cast members are left over. Ain’t nobody thinking someone will marry Kristen Doute, like ever. So Stassi, you’re up girlfriend.

Stassi and Beau Clark embarked on their #journey around 2018. They have had their ups and downs, as all couples do. Though most people can navigate their obstacles without the benefit of cameras following them around. Stassi has certainly been through the proverbial ringer in her dating life, does the name Patrick Meagher ring a bell? That guy was a total douche lord and even I felt sympathetic as he displayed his arrogance and disdain for Stassi each time he showed up on television. Beau seems like a pretty decent guy though, and beyond tolerant of Stassi’s emotional quirks. Do her friends think Beau could be the one? Apparently so.

In an interview with Life & Style, Tom 1 and Tom 2 share their thoughts on what the future holds for the couple. “They [Stassi and Beau] haven’t been together that long but they seem like they have a pretty healthy relationship and I know they’re both pretty into that idea,” Sandoval revealed. Oh totally. Nothing screams “healthy relationship” like texting your boyfriend like a psycho over 70 times because you’re drunk and insecure. But we won’t dwell on that tiny issue.

Schwartzy explained, “They’re in the midst of like a marathon honeymoon phase,” he said. “Of course there have been a few peaks and valleys during that honeymoon phase, but she [Stassi] looks happier than she’s ever been and Beau is madly in love. I feel like they’re a great match for each other. It’s really nice to see her so happy.” Let’s keep in mind, Tom 2 is someone married to a person whose most redeeming quality is eating pizza in bed, but I’m all for positivity.

RELATED: Stassi Schroeder Thinks Billie Lee Should Leave Vanderpump Rules

Obviously, I am not a relationship therapist, but does a “marathon honeymoon phase” include emotional abuse and making your man cry? Clearly in this case it does. Beau strikes me as a non-threat but Stassi’s personality often begs one to wonder if she’s coloring with all of the crayons in the box – if you know what I mean. This is a woman who prides herself on defending her racism being a feminist and her greatest accomplishment is “writing” a book on being a bitch. My bad, it’s Next Level Basic: The Definitive Basic Bitch Handbook. Write about what you know, I suppose.

Stassi commented on her relationship when she was a guest on Watch What Happens Live. She told Andy Cohen, “Everything’s in the cards and I don’t even care about the order,” she shared. “I don’t know when the moment was. I can’t even remember when the moment was. There was something that just, like, switched,” before adding, “He accepted me for me, that was actually it.”

I admire Beau for his forgiving nature and ability to accept Stassi and her faults. It is admirable when someone can look beyond the surface of their partner’s shallow nature and penchant for self-sabotage. Viewers have enjoyed Stassi’s dark humor for years, unfortunately, the funniest thing she has done all season is trying to exorcise her demons in a feeble attempt to change her attitude.

RELATED: Stassi Schroeder Says Her “Nose Exploded With Blood” After Debacle From Nazi And Racism Comments

Everyone loves a trainwreck and it looks like Beau has purchased a ticket. Maybe he will be inspired to propose to Stassi after attending the wedding of Brittany and Jax. You know, the couple who persevered and have come to symbolize overcoming hardships. I know I would start to believe in the magic of marriage if I attended a ceremony where the main attraction was beer cheese and mashed potatoes. I’m being totally serious, for once…

With that, I hope Tom 1 and Tom 2 are right about Stassi and Beau. Stassi can birth tiny hipster children in plaid shirts and bow ties, and Beau can cry on the phone to his mother about Stassi’s reptile, I mean,  reptilian brain. At the end of the day, most of us will stay tuned to watch the further adventures in the lives of people fueled by craft cocktails and poor judgement.


[Photo Credit: Jesse Grant/Bravo]