Last night the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills finally got the bloody confrontation they’ve been snarling for all season, but more importantly someone finally called Dorit Kemsley out on being a fraudster!
Lisa Vanderpump unhelpfully extracted herself from this mess, then Camille Grammer‘s house burned down so the planned confrontation in France was ruined, and these women have been floundering for what to do. It’s not like they can just go live interesting lives with earnest drama. No, they have to pretend their lives are perfect, and have a target for phony argument. They tried with Erika Jayne last week, but Erika took a cue from LVP and simply dismissed them, but back in Beverly Hills there is still Camille….
I hate to be a meanie pants, but was there anything more delightfully Camille Grammer than learning that Camille Grammer is actually close friends with someone PK Kemsley owes over a million dollars to? In a way it came at a rather disappointing time, as the last couple episodes I’ve actually kind of enjoyed Dorit, and not even in a ‘what a terribly amazing imbecile of a character’ she is kind of way, but sincerely.
The episode begins in Provence where Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave wakes up looking as gray in the face as she does in her nails. She immediately bellows for Kyle Richards, because these two are inseparable now. Then they head down to breakfast as if facing certain doom. They know there are repercussions for last night, and need to face the firing squad together.
Lisa Rinna, barer of bad news and possessor of the talking stick of shade, is holding court in a onesie; ready to pounce. Teddi is shocked to learn that she accused Erika of not wanting to be their friend. She also has no recollection of crying about the heavy staff she wields as “Moral Compass.” Kyle doesn’t seem to care one way or the other, and actually seems to remember being such an ass.
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Erika is hiding out in her room, waiting for her body guard (aka Lipsa) to let her know it’s safe. It’s not — because they’re all going to archery and afterwards Teddi will be wanting to talk. We know that could last for hours!
In archery, just like in life, Lipsa aims at the wrong thing and misses the target completely. Also Dorit wore leather overalls that looked like fishing waders.
In order to avoid the post-archery dessert spread set out by the chateau staff, Teddi pulls Erika aside to apologize. Teddi is like, ‘Yeah sorry I said you don’t like us and was nasty, but like every time you’re not jumping for joy in my presence – because that burns calories, you know – I take it personally and I’m accountable for letting you know that you’re personally affecting me and making me feel bad because friendships with Teddi are all about validating Teddi’s high opinion of herself.” Once again we see that Teddi’s version of accountability is essentially having Kyle wrench the chips out of her hands.
Erika doesn’t buy it. She tells Teddi, “You know who tells the truth? Drunks and children.” You know who really tells the truth? Drunks with the emotional IQ of children! And you know who really lies? Arrogant accountability coaches. Yeah, Teddi never owned up to calling Erika fake, but Rinna knows all, and if Lipsa wasn’t so focused on taking down LVP and all her affiliates (aka Camille) she’d be all over this like HarryHamlin and a camping trip.
Back at the dessert tea spread which everyone stares at with lustful, longing eyes, Kyle distracts herself by casually apologizing to Erika. Erika accepts, but lets Kyle know that her feelings were hurt after being blindside by someone she believes is a close friend. Hmmmm…. where have we seen that scenario before? Since we’re in France maybe I’m experiencing déjà vu? Or my mind is playing tricks on me….
Home in California, of course, Kyle wants a chateau – a villa, if you will – of her own, so she invites Faye Resnick over to discuss remodeling. Kyle will always be queen of her own delusions! Then they throw shade about Camille’s house burning down. Faye, morally corrupt Faye Resnick, snarks that maybe losing all her possessions will make Camille a nicer person. That’s a bit
new money rich…
Over at Kitson DORIIIIIIT, fashion goddess, prepares for the great window unveiling of Beverly Beach. A phony wannabe once trendy shop, to feature a phony wannabe collection which is supposed to illustrate the exclusive, elite mythical world of beaches in Beverly. Which don’t exist either. Even though Kitson is a dying tourist trap, Dorit is acting like she scored a window at Barney’s. Do the paps even go to Kitson anymore? (Rhetorical question).
PK actually suggests Dorit make the window completely empty, as if their creditors stole all the clothes? Or as in the irony that this collection doesn’t even belong to Dorit, but the designers she ripped off?
Dorit froths herself into a tizzy – maybe to illustrate that her athleisure wear actually works for atheisuring? – rushing around and saving this window from disaster by rearranging the three mannequins that were displayed… She moved the kid mannequin in between the two adults. GENIUS, I tell you! ART!
Then something curious happens, Dorit has named a swimsuit coverup after Camille. I think it’s the same one Dorit is wearing in her awful interview segment with the “CHA” “NEL” earrings. Which always feel like a subliminal message advising me to change the channel.
RELATED: Dorit Kemsley Says It Would Take “An Apology” & An “Honest And Real” Conversation To Reconcile With Lisa Vanderpump
Given that Camille has just lost her house and is dealing with all of that, Dorit doesn’t feel it’s the appropriate time to confront her about spreading gossip. Interesting considering that Dorit had no qualms piling onto LVP, who had just lost her brother. Maybe it’s because Dorit knows that Camille knows something damaging which she doesn’t necessarily want mentioned on the show? Maybe Dorit has a psychic friend all her own…
Denise Richards finally reappears on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills to have dinner with Lisa, Erika, Teddi, and Camille. Since they lost everything Lipsa brings them each a bag of clothes from the Lisa Rinna Collection. Dusters to clean up ash?! Teddi brings PJs. Which was very sweet. We learn that in addition to dealing with the fire Camille’s assistant of 20+ years also just passed away, and she just feels like the unluckiest girl in the world. Sure Camille is rich, but she really does have the worst lot of things.
Erika is completely impassive, with her cat blazer and makeup applied to look like a walking Snap filter, as Camille recounts frustrations with her marriage, feeling like everything is falling apart, and the real horror of being forced to buy a used Burberry coat at a consignment store because she was so annoyed that David was replacing his ski boots before anything else. Isn’t that why we watch this show though? To feel annoyed/delighted at Rich People Problems?
Denise, too, is experiencing strain in her marriage, but Camille completely brushes that aside to talk about her second vacation home and complain that her business manager is out of the country at this critical time. After all it’s not like Denise’s actual home burned down – it’s a rental!
The next day Teddi and Denise go shopping under the pretense that all Denise’s clothes are ruined. Teddi doesn’t understand how Denise can be so permanently chill when she stresses about opening the door to a boutique perfectly. Teddi really struggles to open doors – metaphorically, and in reality. Since these two have absolutely nothing to talk about, they discuss Camille. Denise thinks Camille is wallowing instead of focusing on the positive. Then Denise buys a dress she’s too lazy to try on and runs out of there as fast as the trick door will let her.
That night all the women meet at Kitson where Dorit unveils not just her window, but the clothing items she named for Teddi and Camille respectively. Teddi gets a totally basic (and cheap looking) swimsuit, while Camille is rewarded with a mesh cover-up thing that corresponds with the HIDEOUS lace contraption Dorit was wearing paired with the idiotic “drippin” barrette. Dripping in what? Debt? Denial? Delusion? Dystopic Friendships? Lipsa thinks the coverup represents that Camille is always trying to cover her tracks… More likely Dorit is hoping to send a sign to Camille to coverup what she knows!
Then Dorit makes everyone go outside to watch as a giant tarp is pulled off the window display which showcases a few plastic mannequins in boring attire. “Genius,” Camille laughs, “Revealed by a garbage bag.” Truer words… Erika ruins the entire moment by arriving late, just as the reveal took place, and wearing trompe l’oeil money boots which PK probably hoped to steal and bring to The Bellagio.
Afterwards the women, plus Aaron who never apparently turns down a free meal, go to dinner where shit really hits the fan over guess what? LVP! Dorit wonders why LVP has iced them all out – even skipping Camille’s wedding. Then within seconds Lipsa confronts Camille for “letting LVP off the hook” with that gushing People Magazine article while simultaneously complaining that LVP bailed on her wedding and shower. “I guess I was weak,” Camille shrugs, affably, obviously unconcerned and not wanting to discuss it, but Lipsa only eats bones – and she is salivating.
Denise is annoyed that everyone is talking about LVP again and even tries to defend Camille by telling the other women that this isn’t the time to come at her, but Camille seems blithely unaware that there has been a plan to pile on. Until Teddi starts lecturing her for being two-faced. Why is Teddi dressed like an 80’s news reporter and trying to ‘get the facts’ out of Camille about what was said about Dorit?
Here is the thing: Teddi expects us to believe that LVP set her up with the Lucy thing to expose Dorit, but the reality is that Teddi sees herself as ‘accountability coach’ of the group and the self-described moral compass who feels it’s her duty to expose injustice, which is why she sought the Lucy information out herself and was communicating with John Blizzard. Teddi is ridiculous and I am so over her.
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Camille muses that Teddi has done plenty of talking about people behind their backs, and hasn’t always been honest about it either (the latest being calling Erika fake…), but Teddi, as always, denies her own culpability. And with mounting pressure to reveal what she said bout Dorit, Camille announces that PK owes millions to Camille’s friend, and that lawyers are involved, and that it’s kind of a big deal. Dorit’s mouth opened so wide in fake mock surprise an entire collection of Beverly Belch could be shoved down her throat. All the goofy palm tree camo, and Jaggy-sized trunks, the purloined bikini designs, and even a coverup large enough to fit PK, and then she sputters that Camille is going for low-blows.
Camille insists she’s never brought this up because she was trying to protect Dorit, in case she had no idea that her husband is a fraudster and that his little bankruptcy is not so in the past. Lipsa, who accused Dorit of having people do coke in her bathroom, is aghast that Camille is dragging moral paragon PK into such a lowly argument. Um, really, the man who inserted himself up Erika’s dress for an entire season?
Erika, I noticed, said not a word as Camille was dredging up the financial failures. And neither did Kyle… Lipsa, though, who started the entire thing pretends to defend Dorit.
All season these women have been trying to prod someone into exposing this. They all kept quiet after the Bahamas when they had their pact to make LVP the target of the season, but now, despite all the proclamations of reaching a true place of friendship in Provence and how safe this group feels, they wanted someone to be thrown to the wolves. Lipsa is the consummate professional – grief, burned down houses, diabetes type two morphing into type one … the show must go on! Someone had to be thrown under the bad news bus, and that person needed to be someone outside the core group; ergo Camille.
Finally, Denise, the savior of this season, instructs Aaron to “just keep eating,” then leans over as if mediating squabbling children to tell Camille to back-off. But next week is the season finale and we have The Agency opening party to look forward to! (Kill me).
TELL US – DID DORIT DESERVE TO BE CALLED OUT?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]