Last night was part 1 of the Real Housewives Of Dallas reunion and it was more than abundantly clear that everyone was ready for the LeeAnne Locken stranglehold to end. Those hands… they are stuffed and swollen with filler and cannot hold on!! Even Andy Cohen was geared up for battle.
And then there was Kameron Westcott who made up her own language, which was a combination of gibberish and pig latin, and I’m pretty sure she prepared for this reunion by watching Legally Blonde and believing she was winning at court. (She wasn’t).
First Brandi Redmond updates everyone on the status of adopting Bruin’s sibling. Brandi and Bryan had made the decision to go through with the adoption but the birth mother unfortunately lost the baby. Brandi took the news hard and the only person she told was real-life BFF Stephanie Hollman.
Then it’s time to discuss LeeAnn’s many-fiascoed wedding. No one even got into the million showers she made her ‘friends’ throw, because no food at the reception took precedence. LeeAnne attempted to blame production needing a break for why there was a 4 hour intermission in between the service and the reception. Andy quickly shut that down by reminding us that Bravo has filmed 509,829,375,093 x 2 weddings and most people do the reception immediately after the ceremony, which has never been a problem before. This was just the first of LeeAnne’s many wedding-related lies.
LeeAnne refused to admit that she didn’t feed people because she couldn’t afford it, or couldn’t find someone to give her free catering. She tried to throw Brandi under the bus by insinuating that she didn’t have a sit-down dinner at Bruin’s party (she had a full buffet…). LeeAnne said since the reception started at 8, but she and Rich Emberlin are senior citizens who eat at 6pm, it was far past dinnertime. Except LeeAnne didn’t even have people passing out appetizers – I mean WTF! Cake does not a dinner make (unless you’re me when I have PMS).
For the record, even Kameron admitted she was starving.
LeeAnne insists she never tried to hurt her mother with wedding vows bashing her childhood because she wrote them immediately before the ceremony and didn’t have time to vet them. Kary Brittingham is confused about how a woman who has waited so many decades to get married didn’t pay more attention to undoubtedly the most important part of a wedding ceremony. I don’t want Kary’s advice on marriage, but agree with her there. LeeAnne spun some BS about how she was moving forward and letting go of her past… by continuing to dine out on it every chance she gets. Maybe that’s why there was no food at the wedding? LeeAnne was full from eating her own past!
Then there was LeeAnne’s lie about the post office losing 30% of all mail. I really wish USPS would have issued a rebuttal, but instead some very helpful reader determined that actually only about 4.7% of all mail is lost. Ergo LeeAnne lied about sending Kary an invite. LeeAnne blamed her wedding planner, Steve Kemble, for telling her that 30% of invitations weren’t sent out because they got lost, and for basically everything, prompting Andy to wonder if Steve was really capable of doing his job. Buuuurn!
Brandi wasn’t offended by her text-vitation, because she never planned to attend that shit-show to begin with. She’s seen enough of LeeAnne’s carny antics to know it wasn’t worth her time – even if she was otherwise just sitting at home on her couch recording the sound of her own farts, then editing the audio to make them sound like singing. I have NO idea if that’s a thing but if anyone could produce a fart opera it would be Brandi (and Stephanie).
LeeAnne couldn’t invite D’Andra Simmons because the only people at the wedding were close and intimate friends. Like Kary? And the bloggers she invited from places like People Magazine, or Ben and Ronnie from Watch What Crappens. My invite was definitely one of the 30% that got lost in the mail apparently!
Also LeeAnne said Rich was still hurt by D’Andra — even though actual footage showed Rich saying LeeAnne needs to forgive because he already has. Instead LeeAnne wants D’Andra to continue to do more and more to prove their friendship matters -like inviting her out to lunch. LeeAnne only wants to salvage her friendship with D’Andra now that everyone else on the cast hates her – she’s trying to find another ally. Kam is not gonna cut it anymore.
Speaking of Rich, everyone is disgusted that he was commenting on hot women during his own wedding. LeeAnne dismissed it as Rich being complimentary of all her friends for being so beautiful, and Rich actually said those things directly to her, but the clip was edited. She even attempted to blame Travis Hollman for encouraging Rich’s raunchy comments as ‘boys will be boys’. Stephanie is upset by this, rightfully so.
Brandi finally adits that Rich’s open ogling and comments have made her uncomfortable in the past. Apparently Rich has never heard of the #MeToo movement…
LeeAnne then tries to flip the narrative to say Jeremy Lock asked Rich who he would rather have sex with: Brandi or Stephanie. Brandi and Stephanie both look horrified at this prospect (EW!!!). D’Andra dismisses it as a “bold-faced lie.” Andy agree that if this had been hot mic’d Bravo DEFINITELY would have used it. And Bravo, unlike the postal service, loses 0% of incriminating or embarrassing footage.
On that note, D’Andra is still convinced that Rich cheated (and I am too), but decided to apologize for starting the allegations because she was hopeful to mend her friendship with LeeAnne. LeeAnne says the cheating allegations lost him a six-figure government contracting job because “if you cheat on your wife you’ll cheat on your country.”
D’Andra, who once worked for the government, was quick to point out that almost every man in Washington is cheating yet still retaining their Q clearance, and that it was Rich’s association with LeeAnne which cost him his clearance and the job. What D’Andra means, I’m assuming, is that the feds told Rich to stop appearing on Real Housewives Of Dallas or being in any way associated with reality TV. Then LeeAnne tries to dismiss Jeremy’s own military service as him being ‘just a photographer.’ Yeah, a war photographer. An award-winning one at that!
So, after working harder than a pair of Housewives’ Spanx to destroy each other, LeeAnne and D’Andra’s friendship has finally been done, dusted, and buried.
Finally moving on, Kameron and Brandi still have unresolved garbage over the “trash comment.” Brandi is hurt because of childhood issues and LeeAnne pipes up that she’s the only one whose not allowed to have childhood baggage. The difference is that LeeAnne has constantly childhood baggage, which she whips out when she wants to manipulate the situation or gain the upper hand, and she’s not even carrying this baggage in a Birkin that comes with its own rain coat. More like a pair of moldy Birkenstocks after a carnival.
Last night I finally figured out Kam and LeeAnne’s connection: they both have this crazy self-logic of deflecting onto others. For instance, Kameron claims she only used the word trash at that dinner in Mexico because Stephanie “implanted” the word in her brain earlier in the day by asking “Is this trashy?” while they were peeing behind the horse trailer during the polo match. I mean, it’s genius in its attempt to Kam-splain, but it is utterly and completely stupid as a way of actually explaining anything.
Then Kameron was trying to say Brandi’s behavior is “trash,” not Brandi herself. And yes, Brandi screaming and cussing in Kameron’s face was trashy behavior. Just as Kameron admits throwing a napkin was trashy behavior. In the end Kameron offers Brandi what seemed like a super sincere and heartfelt apology and Brandi hopes she can trust Kam’s sincerity. Get over it Brandi!
Speaking of getting over things … Kameron now says she has psychological trauma from Stephanie calling her surface because it gave Kameron flashbacks of feeling like a “dumb blonde” – a horrible and scarring label she’s fought her whole life to overcome. Kameron has the hot pink sparkly badge of courage to prove it! As Kameron attempts (and fails) to squeeze out a fake tear or two, Andy points out that Stephanie was calling their friendship surface, NOT Kameron herself.
Kameron revises history to say Stephanie called her names all season, like “elitist” and Kameron is taking cues from Frozen 2 about fake people. Kameron is mostly upset because after Stephanie went around town calling her “a badger” (wasn’t that last season?) behind her back, Stephanie and Travis asked Kameron for a reference to some country club. Now Kameron feels like she was tricked into giving them a glowing review. So country club charity is Kameron’s illustration of how she’s not elitist?
Stephanie, in turn, feels like Kameron is constantly dismissive of her, refuses to hear what she is saying, and treats her like a dog. Considering how Kameron treats her dogs, is that really so bad? I mean Kam’s dogs have a better life than I do!
Andy asks Kary about her marriage to Eduardo, and she is still waiting on him to give her some money. Perhaps Kary a J-O-B. She claims her marriage is not always emotionally fulfilling but that presently she is happy.
The reunion ends cycling back to LeeAnne vs. Kary and all the drama in Mexico. LeeAnne blames her rude behavior when they arrived at Eduardo’s family home on being drunk. Also apparently she sleeps naked and therefore cannot share a room with people — except if those people are Kam.
It was all so stupid Brandi pulled out a flask and passed it to Stephanie. Because sometimes you just cannot deal.
Kary says if LeeAnne had just told her that she wasn’t comfortable sharing a room (let alone a bed) but that she still wanted to get to know her better, Kary would have been understanding. I agree that LeeAnne handled the situation badly, but I think it was ridiculous for Kary to expect a women she does not know to feel comfortable sharing A BED with her. But yes, LeeAnne’s manners in handling the situation were abysmal and the miscommunications, as we saw, did not improve over dinner.
Kary was trying to ask LeeAnne why she never had children so she could get to know her better but LeeAnne misinterpreted the comment as a dig. Kary certainly phrased it wrong, which is likely the result of English being her second language, but LeeAnne reacting by throwing suicide and molestation into the equation was just gross. Both Stephanie and D’Andra are upset that she was so flippant about using suicide as a manipulation tactic. D’Andra especially was hurt given that her father took his own life. LeeAnne insists she truly was feeling suicidal that night and even Andy finds this to be offensive nonsense. Like D’Andra says LeeAnne uses her childhood as an excuse, and if she was raised by her grandmother she was raised by love.
Next week LeeAnne and Kary’s arguing intensifies and it seems like the Mexican comments are addressed. It is not looking good for ol’ Locken! Honestly you guys this is a GREAT reunion. I am loving it, and I might be the only one, but I really love Real Housewives Of Dallas. LeeAnne most certainly needs to go, because everyone – including the other ladies – are obviously over treating her with glad-hands to avoid her insane drama that overtakes the entire show. Time to send LeeAnne packing to Marriage Bootcamp!
TELL US – DOES LEEANNE USE HER CHILDHOOD AS AN EXCUSE? DO YOU THINK RICH’S COMMENTS WERE INAPPROPRIATE?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]