VANDERPUMP RULES -- Pictured: (l-r) Tom Schwartz, Tom Sandoval -- (Photo by: Nicole Weingart/Bravo)

Vanderpump Rules Season 10 Episode 9 Recap: Wedding Crashers

Well. We started this week’s Vanderpump Rules episode with Tom Sandoval of #Scandoval lecturing James Kennedy on the importance of wielding social power carefully. And it was somehow all downhill from there. Not to mention Raquel Leviss was sitting only a few seats away in what I assume is one of Tom’s rejected boater hats. It probably didn’t fit on his over-inflated dome. 

When we left off last weekAlly Lewber was leaving the dinner table due to her embarrassment of James’ behavior towards Ariana Madix. This week, we watched Ariana and James make up almost immediately. Quickly, that moment is taken over by Lala Kent’s nipples. And our descent has begun. 

Bub Comes To Dinner

Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney met up to celebrate their divorce over a romantic dinner in Mexico. Tom began the meal with a cheers to getting back on the “hedonic treadmill.” His vocabulary has always been a dead giveaway that his slouchy lifestyle isn’t anything other than a long-term grift. Katie seemed completely irritated by Tom’s personality before their order was even taken. And in her confessional, she was finally figuring out that maybe Tom never even liked her. Why is she here? 

Rather than dust Tom and all these cast-mates she doesn’t like, Katie plopped herself in the center of this wedding event. During one of her disappointment rants, Tom cut Katie off to suggest they shouldn’t talk this frequently anymore. He tells her that, ever since she taught him about gaslighting, he can see her clearly gaslighting people all the time. This caused Katie to cry over her steak and walk out of the establishment. To his credit, Tom called Katie to ask her to come back. He didn’t even take her leftover food to go! He’s growing before our eyes. 

Back at the hotel, Kristina Kelly is waiting to earn her friend-of paycheck. She and Katie discuss at length how surprised they are things didn’t go well at the divorce dinner. Weird. Then, there’s a knock at the hotel door. In sauntered Raquel. She came to deliver a message from Scheana

Raquel informed the women that they are not “preferred” members at the hotel, and that they cannot join the wedding party in any of their exclusive events. Kristina specifically asked if she’s okay to be around during the wedding weekend. Raquel bluntly explained that, no– she is not. In fact, Scheana doesn’t want her anywhere ever. And know that. 

After Raquel left the hotel room, Kristina and Katie started laughing over Raqy’s poor self-awareness. This is while they sit in a budget-friendly hotel room in a foreign country surrounded by ex-husbands, their new flirt pieces, and a bunch of former SUR co-workers they never liked.

The Most Exclusive Catamaran 

Scheana Shay decided to invite Ally onto the catamaran she booked for the wedding-centric girls the next day. Very Zen, especially considering Ally was only invited because James begged for her to be allowed. Lala then shared that she may not be joining the excursion after all. She wants to go where she can feel “safe.” Apparently, that doesn’t include events involving the tall skinny woman she once referred to as “Bambi.” 

Scheana basically told Lala she was being a crap friend. Scheana explained that this is her moment to be the center of attention. This isn’t the time for Lala to rehash irrelevant galaxy light drama with Raquel or bond with tag-along-Kristina

Once everyone is on the catamaran, we got Raquel’s side. Raquel felt like she could have easily asked Scheana to disinvite Lala on the boat if she had wanted to, but didn’t want to accidentally give off the same entitled energy she’s seeing Lala radiate. On the other side of the boat, Lala started sucking up to Ally. She warned her that James’ antics against Ariana last night were tame in comparison to his past. Lala began to cry and told Ally she has a heart of gold and should protect herself. 

James’ Spiral Update

This is the spiral that never ends. It goes on and on, my friends. James was consistently struggling in this episode. He started out by telling the camera he considers himself a worldly man. He doesn’t understand the homo-erotic friendships among all his “straight” friends. I’m just going to keep the illusion alive and end my comments on that here. 

In general, James finds Brock Davies’ friends to be too rowdy. He told Ally all about his day with them. But he is stopped in his tracks when she begins talking about her earlier conversation with Lala. James proceeded to slam Lala’s former gold-digging. He followed it up by complimenting the only things that serve him in his relationship with Ally. He told her she’s kind, and compassionate for others. Basically, he loves that she’s a passive pushover who won’t say anything against him ever. 

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Katie’s Rebound Dinner Date

So after her wretched dinner with Schwartz and her personal dis-invitation from any “preferred” wedding event, what did Katie do? She booked herself a dinner within spitting distance of Scheana’s welcome party. At one point, Katie says “people love me” while she enjoyed a meal with Randall Emmett’s ex-fiancé and her emotional-support friend-of. 

After enjoying all the free booze at the welcome party, Schwartz sauntered over to Bub Katie and started making small talk. He asked Katie if she could help him trim his armpit hair. Katie looked annoyed. It was almost like she couldn’t have picked any other restaurant in any other country to avoid this situation.  


So Schwartz made his way back over to a group of people who don’t roll their eyes every time he speaks. Fair enough. He and Raquel went over to a private (albeit filmed) table for two, and they started to discuss their relationship. Tom claimed that his interest in Raquel became “a thing” after Katie forbade it. And so what’s a boy to do? 

We ended the episode with a scene of Tommy Boy and Rachel making out while onlookers cheer in the background. TO BE CONTINUED


[Photo by: Nicole Weingart/Bravo]