The infamous “girls getaways” have established themselves as a mainstay of the Housewives brand, appearing at least once per season in each city. When else are you guaranteed that every member of the cast is present at the same time and location? It’s the ideal recipe for mucho drama when a show visits a charming foreign town where the ladies know no one else but each other. So in some very glamorous locations, pandemonium ensues, and most of the time food is thrown. Typically viewers glean brief glances of gorgeous scenery as someone runs away from a spectacle in a drunken stupor, so let’s revisit a few of our favorite trips.
Puerto Vallarta, Mexico/Real Housewives of Orange County, Season 8
The cast of Real Housewives of Orange County went to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico to whoop it up for Tamara
Barney Judge’s bachelorette party. This trip was a full journey and ultimately changed the friend status of the ladies as a result. Vicki Gunvalson’s love tank was empty, she had a new face, and was on a new mission to come between Tammy Sue’s friendship with Gretchen Rossi. And boy did she ever. Vicki pretty much eliminated who she didn’t like, which is usually everyone but a mirror and Tamra. It got super awkward when Heather Dubrow and Gretchen were ditched at a restaurant while the rest of the crew got wasted at Andeles.
After Vicki got rid of the competition, she peed on Tamra’s bed to mark her territory. But that wasn’t even the weirdest part. Hired sexy-time dancers came to gyrate in Tamra’s general area but wound up aggressively dry humping her ear while a horrified Heather sprayed Lysol at anything that came near her.
Hong Kong/Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 7
We saw some true colors start to come out when the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills visited Hong Kong. A gorgeous location vacation with all the beautiful sights in the background as shit hit the fan the entire time. Tension had been building all season between Dorit Kemsley and Erika Jayne. By the time that poor junk boat came in the picture, the drama was definitely not saved for your mama. Under the glow of twinkling lights, Erika tore Dorit to shreds as Lisa Vanderpump and Kyle Richards looked like they had seats at Wimbledon. Then at a dinner, because no one eats on these trips, Lisa Rinna gave us the iconic, “were people doing coke in your bathroom” line to Dorit.
Thankfully, Dorit had a moment of reprieve when Eileen Davidson made an incredibly harmless remark, randomly using Erika’s son as an example. Erika literally shapeshifted into another being and viewers watched Eileen practically turn into liquid as Erika delivered “YouhavenoideawhatIgothroughatnight” in a sinister monotone that we are now all familiar with.
Morocco/Real Housewives of New York, Season 4
You didn’t need much to turn a Real Housewives of New York vacation into a bag of angry, wet raccoons, especially when Kelly Killoren Bensimon came along for the ride. The RHONY cast NEVER failed to disappoint while they were on holiday, but Morocco just gave us so many moments. Fans learned life-changing anecdotes like, Louis Vuitton actually makes mistakes. Camels allegedly hate Countess Luann de Lesseps. A fortune teller saw directly into the future and told an incredulous Ramona Singer her husband was messing around. Sides were taken as Kelly and Luann teamed up against the unlikely duo of Alex McCord and Ramona.
There was henna, hives, and tears, and a LOT of Pinot Grigio. There is probably no other franchise where you will see hospitality staff treated so poorly, thanks to Ramona and Sonja Morgan, who tend to address “the help” (Ramona’s words) with finger snaps and mispronounced names. There were accusations of stolen coat hangers, Ramona and Sonja being rude and missing dinner, and… Cindy Barshop? You remember, Cindy the Bedazzled vagazzle lady… In hindsight, this entire list could have been about RHONY trips only.
South Africa/Real Housewives of Atlanta, Season 4
As a viewer, I was very excited to see Real Housewives of Atlanta pack up and head to South Africa. The animals, the sunsets, the magic of Talls vs Smalls. Yep, because we can’t have anything nice, the RHOA cast were in divided camps during this trip. When the ladies arrived in Cape Town, the exotic locality seemed to have a magical effect and both NeNe Leakes and Sheree Whitfield called a temporary truce. NeNe found herself mediating a major altercation between Sheree and Marlo Hampton that is probably the reason it took Marlo 87 years to get a peach. Sheree did not include NeNe’s new BFF when dinner party invites went out and Marlo showed her whole ass as a result.
Phaedra Parks summed it up nicely, “Something about Sheree’s money problems and Marlo’s old white sugar daddy. I don’t know. They were speaking in tongues or Spanish or something. It’s becoming gibberish at this point.” The ladies also speculated Kim Zolciak-Biermann didn’t go on the trip because of bigotry and not because she was stuck home with 3 kids while her husband was at football camp. It wasn’t all fighting though, just most of it. It was one of the only time the ladies mutually agreed and worked together when donations were made to a local orphanage that seemed to bring them closer together. That bond lasted about 5 minutes.
Cayman Islands/Real Housewives of Potomac, Season 4
In season 4, Robyn Dixon organized a getaway trip for the Real Housewives of Potomac ladies to the Cayman Islands. Unfortunately the Universe didn’t want Robyn on her own vacay because Robyn missed numerous flights to travel with the rest of the women. Gizelle Bryant and Karen Huger, who were fighting, were assigned the same room and before anything even happens, Karen and Giz are fighting in the lobby of the expensive hotel. But don’t worry, Katie Rost and Ashley Darby were also slinging mud and even though Katie was no longer a main member of the cast, she managed to get in one hell of a read. Ashely attempted to drag Katie for gossiping about her husband and calling her dumb.
Even though Katie’s wig was sending visual messages for help, it did not hinder one of the finest comebacks we have seen from Katie, “I’m sorry if I said that you were dumb, maybe I meant you’re stupid I dunno… I am funny”. Gizelle immediately tries to start drama at breakfast the next day. I mean, THEY DO NOT TAKE A BREAK and that is what draws people to RHOP. The absolute dedication they have to making most every waking moment a conflict.
TELL US- WHAT IS THE MOST DRAMATIC HOUSEWIVES TRIP? WHICH TRIP WOULD YOU ADD TO THE LIST? WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOUSEWIVES TRIP LOCATION?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]